As the sex columnist, it is fair to say that I am comfortable talking about sex. I think that it a subject that should be brought out into the open more often. However, when it comes to talking about sex, I think it is equally important to consider discretion. There is an unwritten social code, that two people trust each other not to share details of your sex life with others. Now, I know we are all guilty of telling some of our closest friends a few secrets, but we can generally trust them not to tell others. Sometimes, though, stories get out, and there are few things more awkward then hearing intimate details of your life coming from the mouth of an uninvolved third party.
Being discreet does not mean that you can’t share your thoughts, experience, and stories with others. Sometimes, it comes down to sensibility: don’t attach a person’s name to the story and don’t tell anyone you cannot trust 100%. These things are very respectful to do and, honestly, reflect better on you! Be careful. It isn’t always, or very often, a scenario in which you are sitting down having a discussion about sex. The topic often comes up in popular “truth” games like “never-have-I-ever”. In the moment, the atmosphere is fun and light-hearted, so it is easy to let details slip. Although, when pressed for these details, it is completely okay to say that, yes, something happened, but that it is inappropriate to say with whom. General rule of thumb: don’t give out private information involving other people without their permission and NEVER attach their name.
So, what if you are on the other end and hear something about yourself? How does one handle the situation? First of all, it is okay to be mad and a little bit upset. You put your trust in someone and are now worried with questions of “who else knows?” Whew! Let it out and think about the situation at hand. Your first impulse may be to ask others what to do, but take my advice and keep it contained. The best thing to do is go straight to the source- confront him or her. Be straightforward and firm, but fight the urge to yell. He or she will be less inclined to listen if you are aggressive. Tell this person what you heard and that it was completely inappropriate for him/her to tell others. However, recognize the deed is done and make it clear that it cannot happen again.
While sex, and the discussion of it, should be comfortable and fun, it is still a taboo subject, and it is often embarrassing to have details of your sex life known to others. As unfortunate as it is there is still a double standard in the world that expects individuals, particularly women, to keep an innocent reputation. So let’s be respectful of each other and practice discretion!