Sex is not a perfect science and can sometimes be less than perfect itself. Never fear! Many times there are a few simple things that are hurting your sex life and are easy to change! Here are just a few ideas:
Lack of Spontaneity
Ask anyone who knows me, and they will tell you how much I love to make plans. They keep me on task, I like knowing what to expect, and I love being prepared. However, this lack of spontaneity does not mix well in the bed. Could you imagine the pressure to perform, per say, if sex was expected every time you saw your significant other? It sounds like a drag to me. Routine is boring. Our entire lives here at St. Olaf are based on it: school, homework, sleep, rinse and repeat. Let’s face it – it takes something special to get us excited for that 8 a.m. Now, I am not saying planning ahead can’t be fun, but maybe too much of an expectation can be detrimental. Here is how to fix it: try spending some time together that is a touch more “PG”. This time allows the two of you understand each other better, making the time you spend together more comfortable. Sex is now a novelty that you look forward to rather than expect. The suspense and the anticipation makes it all little bit more worth it.
Lack of Practice
Have you ever found that your partner isn’t doing anything wrong, but something isn’t quite right? Trying to work out these kinks in the heat of the moment can be very frustrating, so maybe you need a little practice. It is important for you to know what works best for you and what doesn’t. The first step in getting what you want is knowing what you want. Maybe it’s time we bring up the M-word, the taboo subject of going solo. Spend some time getting to know yourself a little bit better and your time in bed will be much more fulfilling, but please, wait until your roommate is gone!
Overstimulation
On a similar note, what is too much? Too much self-stimulation can lower your sensitivity to sexual activities with a partner. Alas, the absence makes the heart grow fonder, so to speak. In a sense a person can get so used to a single source or way of pleasure that nothing else works as well. This is a fix easier said than done. Cut back. Try going for a run instead.
Drinking
Sure, drinking alcohol can stir up feelings of arousal, but that about it when it comes to your sex life. Alcohol, a depressant, slows down all body functions, ALL body functions, and excessive consumption has many negative affects on your sex life. For one, it makes people sluggish and tired, and, well, that just sounds sloppy. There is also the question of ability, as Shakespeare says in the Scottish Play, in regards to alcohol, “It increases the desire, but takes away the performance.” Drinking alcohol slows blood flow throughout the entire body. Now there are many vulgar names for this lack of capability in a man after a night of boozing, but drinking also affects women. It is much harder to climax after a night of drinking, because “the big O” is heavily dependent on the increase blood flow. So maybe save the drinks for afterwards to celebrate a wonderful performance.
Lack of Foreplay
Slow and steady, at least at first, may actually be best for sex. Rushing right into things is often exciting, but arousal is extremely important. Foreplay is a great way to learn about each other’s wants and needs, which translate over to the main event very well. It also ensures full arousal, which is especially important for women, because on average it takes women five to twenty minutes longer to climax then men. However, spending time focusing on different parts of the body heightens sensations and sensitivity to stimulation, leads to a larger release for both parties. So, take the time and savor one of the best things in life.
Cover Photo; Lack of Spontaneity; Practice; Banana; Bottles; Foreplay