Dating at St. Olaf College is stereotyped as a multitude of happy couples who are potentially getting married in the near future and the rest of us—the single and the lonely. I was talking to a friend recently who told me about a health survey that was conducted a few years ago and apparently there’s an astronomical difference between the actual and perceived number of students who are in a relationship on campus. Since most St. Olaf students view everyone else around them to be in a relationship, this leads to a feeling of inadequacy and ultimately, loneliness: If those around me are capable of being in a relationship, why can’t I? In actuality, I couldn’t disagree more with the dating culture on this campus.
I have a close friend who is currently living in a city and she is currently seeing and dating two men. Upon first glance, I was skeptical. Though she’s only sleeping with one of them, isn’t that bound to lead to hurt and alienation? But upon further thought, I realized that maybe she has it right. Maybe it’s me and the culture that I’m a part of that’s in the wrong.
I’ve been talking to someone recently who is in an open relationship. He claims that honesty is really the key to any sort of successful relationship but that there are many varied nuances in relationships. He tells girls he’s dating that he sees other girls and that that doesn’t diminish his feelings for them, but that he, rather, has feelings for other people, too. He offers them the opportunity to say that doesn’t work for them but he’s honest from the beginning that he goes on dates and sees other people. He says that he really doesn’t see himself as being ready for an exclusive relationship right now because he has too many things to figure out, that he could never expect anyone else to take that on. Fair.
In actuality, city dating and essentially “the real world” dating scene usually involves dating multiple people at once. In college, we make the jump from consistently hooking up with someone to being exclusive to dating to living together so quickly and I believe that’s furthered by the close proximity. In actuality, things would never move that quickly. And in the real world, how could you really know if you’re right to date a person? Personally, I’d rather date multiple people and eventually settle on someone I could really see myself being compatible with, rather than expend energy having a relationship with many people.
So to all you Ole fools in love. I am immensely happy and glad that’s working for you. To all of you who, like myself, are single. It’s okay and I think we should all feel comfortable not being in a relationship.