Now let me begin this particular article with a preface stating that I do not see myself as morally superior in terms of the notorious one-night stand. In fact, I’ve had more one-night stands than I’m proud of. Broaching the subject of sex from a somewhat liberal background, I like to think that we’re all sexual creatures and too often cheapen sex or repress it. In fact, I’ve spoken of the difficulty in balancing this line in previous articles.
In a collegiate setting, one-night stands happen. Freud tells us we all have needs and sometimes when you mix needs with alcohol, regrettable things happen. I’m not suggesting that every one-night stand is regrettable. From the female perspective, however, I believe one-night stands are far more detrimental than they’re worth.
One of the greatest sources of the pain of a one-night stand, on an emotional level, stems from miscommunication and feigning honesty. You may think that you don’t expect anything from someone but regardless of how “sexually evolved” you see yourself, sex is intimate and it’s almost impossible to see the person who saw you naked for one night as just a friend, or even a stranger.
I believe there are two courses a one-night stand can take from here: either the woman can hope for a potential relationship or a friends-with-benefits situation. And though I’d like to be able to philosophically or psychologically explain the course of these two veins, I think the best way to go about it is personal anecdote through the experience of my two friends: Molly and Candace (fake names, waddup anonymity).
So earlier this year, Molly hooked up with a member of our friend group; not only did she hook up with him, but she lost her virginity in a drunken hookup. I see you’re sensing an awkward situation ensuing: yeah, we all did. But Molly and this group member had an indubitable connection, continued to spend time together, and even proceeded to date. Everyone thought she was lucky because how often do you hookup with someone and it leads to a relationship? From personal experience let me answer: very rarely.
Their relationship continued for a few months but as it progressed, he began to doubt his desire to be in a serious relationship, ultimately leading to its demise. I’m not blaming Molly because I think every girl secretly hopes that a boy will find her worthy enough of pursuit and in many ways, she was very lucky. However, I think it’s clear that a one-night stand is a very unhealthy foundation for a relationship and usually kills any chance of fostering a healthy relationship with that person.
My second example differs slightly: Candace hooked up with a mutual friend multiple times and believed it to be a friends-with-benefit situation. In his own personal fear of relationships, he began to distance her, barely acknowledging Candace in class, the hallways, etc. In fact, not only did he distance himself; he moved on, sleeping with someone else. Candace was undoubtedly hurt because if he could sleep with her, why couldn’t he manage to be her friend? She tried to repress the hurt she felt, which ultimately led to a catalyst in which she drunkenly yelled at him in a public forum, embarrassing herself and leading him to believe that he was right all along: she really did want to date him, however many times she protested.
I think the moral of both of these anecdotes is the overarching idea that sex is emotional. Sex without any sort of relationship afterwards makes a woman feel cheap and dirty. I also think it’s important to recognize that a one-night stand does not lead to a relationship and can’t even be expected to lead to a friends-with-benefits situation. A one-night stand is simply a one-night stand. It’s a release of sexual tension and impulses, but its emotional consequences undo any physical release one might feel. So is it worth it? I would happen to think no, but this is certainly up for debate.