Women.
That deserves a line for itself.
Can you envision yourself wearing armor? Carrying your own shield? Holding your own sword? Can you go as far into your head and picture yourself fighting internal wars? I don’t think you have to picture it at all. It’s what women do. It’s what we do. It’s an ongoing fight. It’s a brutal battle.
It’s a battle that I and many girls my age are still fighting.
I can’t exactly remember when I decided that I didn’t want to be the same. It just sprouted out of me like a flower. Either someone pushed too hard and I decided to shove back, or life kept throwing pebbles, then it turned to stones, and then a full-on avalanche hit me. Either happened, but the end result was the same. I changed.
I remember my childhood. It was filled with wonder and infinite fun. It was everything before grades, and school and education came into the picture. In middle school, everyone had their own opinions and it’s the age where we all become rebellious. There was a lot of judgment without self-control and the environment became toxic. It’s to be expected since children have yet to mature, but because they lack it, they try to damage others with words. I wasn’t ready for all of this. I always believed people are nice beings, but in middle school, it did change my perspective because every day I regretted school.
Once I reached 8th grade, I could’ve thrown a fiesta. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough, graduation might have been the best day ever for me. I felt like the weight of the world lift off me completely knowing I wouldn’t have to face another tough year like that. I didn’t run, I casually walked down the aisle with a tight-lipped smile, but definitely didn’t run. Holding on to my dignity was the lesson I learned and admired most. Even through the fire, I walked out leaving just smoke.
It also made me want to try something out. Something new.
I wanted to be social and meet new people because I felt the scenery has changed. Once I went to high school, I did. I made a lot of friends. The environment wasn’t toxic, but it did make me guarded. I knew people judged others and the only difference was, in middle school, they publicly showed it. In high school, they were a bit two-faced.
It made me stronger because I was always watching my own back. Taking care of myself. I set up my own priorities. I was learning independence.
And I had no insecurities. So… I didn’t care what people said about me or what they thought. I kind of always envisioned myself lying on a towel in Hawaii and sipping a Pina Colada. If someone said something about me, my care was at zero percent. I learned that if you act on everything said about you, you wouldn’t find out the interesting details people assumed. I probably felt more like a celebrity.
I was chill from there on. I am still this chill person. However now, I see myself more as a soldier. Not to be underestimated.