Let’s be honest. We all have reasons why we really, really and I mean REALLY don’t like our friend’s partner. Whether it may be looks or actions, we’ve got our reasons. I, for one, am guilty of this. My best friend is almost like a sister to me, and truth be told, I tend to not like every single one of her suitors. The reasons range from them giving off bad vibes to them just being plain creepy. I’m sure we’ve all been there.
But suddenly, your friend’s relationship falls apart, they break up, and your left dealing with a deflated, broken-hearted, sobbing mess of a friend. Yep. Just one of many cycles to come. Now, all the things you sucked up during their relationship and the flaws you mentally record threatens to burst. Believe me, releasing all the words, swears, and thoughts you had against their lover is almost 50% useful and 50% the absolute wrong thing to do.
Why 50% useful?
People are different. Not all friends are the same. It can help when you release a bit of frustration about their now ex-lover. They get an idea of why they weren’t good for each other and you finally can release the raw truth. This also gives them a boost towards their emotional recovery. It’s a win-win situation.
Why 50% wrong?
Sometimes they just can’t handle it. They claim to be in love. They claim the future was bright. Who told you it’s okay to turn down their dreams? It is never wrong to dream big and mighty. Was it realistic? Maybe not, but to give unnecessarily rude thoughts about their relationship will only make your friend want to cry a tsunami. Your best bet is to think it through carefully and hope for the right outcome.
So what can you do to help support your friend through this hard time? The answers are really simple.
1) Distract them with fun.
Fresh breakups always hurt. Your friend will be in so much pain they might want to wallow in it and drown. Absolutely not. You have to distract them. You have to make them remember what fun really is. What fun was like before they met their lover. The fun can last for a slight second, a whole minute, or even an hour. As small as it seems, it will be worth it. It will be the start of the process in helping them move on. Doing this repeatedly will help them drastically. Just don’t do anything dangerous like taking them ziplining. I did that and it’s best not to ask what happened.
2) Let them talk.
They won’t hide their feelings. It’s a nag. It’s like someone poking you with a broomstick nonstop. They will constantly remember the good times they had with their ex, which will then contribute to repetitive conversations about them. It can annoy you, but you need to understand that they are in pain and it’s a pain you can’t physically heal. You’ll just have to do what you can with kind words. Have patience for their sake. Let them cry, let them rant, and let them talk it out. It’s one of the best things you can do.
3) Understand and support them.
This doesn’t just pertain to people who have been in relationships before, this is for everyone. You can be single and never have been in a relationship, but you can still deliver amazing advice. Either made-up on the spot from your heart, or from watching that one episode of Dr. Phil, you can use any experience to find a way to shed light on a situation. It’s important to see on their level before seeing your perspective. You can connect even with little-to-nothing experience. As long as you try to see their side, then you use your point of view to build up a foundation of support. Give them some leeway to decide what road they want to follow next, but also offer to be their guide.
4) Reassure them.
Sometimes breakups can make people overthink, make them doubt, and overall become scared about life. They may think they’ll never find love again. They may think that love is useless, too hard, not worth the trouble, etc. Snap. Them. Out. Of. It.
I’m no expert, but my philosophy is that whatever happens was meant to happen. The inevitable will occur. There’s no doubt about it, but you’ll need to reassure them with hope. Tell them it’s not over. Tell them that the future has already begun. Most importantly, tell them better is on its way. Like Alex Russo’s mother said in Wizards of Waverly Place, “Your only a broken heart away from Happily Ever After.”
That’s all! I hope this helps because truthfully, we are all going to face this at one point or another. However, it’s best to remember we’re not broken. We’re strong and we have our friends to make us stronger.