Though the global pandemic and state-enforced quarantines have left many cut off from family, friends, SOs, and potential love interests, it may also be a time to find new connections. Months spent alone and physically separated from people has undoubtedly left most of us feeling lonely and in need of social stimulation. However, the silver lining to this physical separation and increased time alone is that for the first time in a while, we have been forced to pause and meditate on who we are, what we want, and who we want to be with.
For me personally, this pandemic has made me (sometimes unwillingly) face up to the fact that as much as I complain about being single or that I am lonely, I never bother to work on the personal issues that are behind these feelings, let alone put myself out there. As the loneliness crept up on me during the first few weeks of quarantine in New York, I finally buckled and downloaded Tinder for the first time. The initial hours spent on the app were overwhelming and involved a myriad of miscommunications on my part as I didn’t fully understand the way things worked. People immediately started asking for my Snapchat (which I made the mistake of giving away at least twice and then received rather unsavoury pictures straight away), asking what I was looking for, what my dating history was, sending in subpar pick-up lines—it was all an overwhelming learning experience for me. After years of picking at my insecurities and then reinforcing them by stepping into the identity of the “girl who never got any guys” and never got asked out, I was suddenly flooded with male attention, all contained in a handy little app that I could just shut off when it got to be too much.
I had always been someone who said they would never join a dating app, or things like “I just prefer to meet people in person,” which to a degree still holds true. But in a time where seeing someone in person is risky and could endanger the lives of the ones around you, dating apps can be a pretty good place to meet someone, at least virtually. Although you cannot feel quite the same excitement or butterflies you would when preparing to go out on a date, the slight anxiousness you feel just before you call someone is quite close. Unlike a first physical date, you also have the opportunity to really learn about and talk to someone new without the pressure of physical intimacy or, even more seriously, fear for your personal safety.
The pandemic has forced us to stop connecting to others physically, but it has also created new spaces for conversation—with oneself, with family, and with new connections, without the conventional pressures of physicality. As a formerly self-professed hopeless romantic and ‘lonely’ girl, I heavily encourage anyone who is yearning for a similar connection to take this pandemic as an opportunity to put yourself out there. You never know who you will find, and (fingers crossed), when you can finally see them in person you will probably have one of the best first dates, as you have had weeks of getting to know them!
Stay safe and happy swiping!