At nineteen years old, what could I possibly know about anything? What could I offer in regards to matters of the heart? I have had my experience – albeit limited. I have my anecdotes, my semi-formed cynicisms, my fair share of mishaps, and an abundance of mistakes – all of which I am inordinately thankful for.
A friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend. It was a mutual decision; a shared acceptance of a faded relationship that ended in a gradual and sad farewell. There were no fireworks, no explosions, no pyrotechnics of hatred and passionate vengefulness. I also experienced this type of ‘break-up’ recently, and so far, it has been scarily manageable. In my opinion, the very lack of intense sadness felt prior to the ‘ending’ was the saddest part. Although I still felt a sense of grief, my heart felt a little lighter as if I’d been relieved of some weighty burden. I think that’s when you know or at least that’s when I truly knew it just wasn’t ‘right’.
Fundamentally, it wasn’t ‘right’ in the sense that I didn’t feel secure. Admittedly, vulnerability in relationships is inevitable and necessary, but this vulnerability made me fragile and deeply unhappy. Once I processed the situation; accepted it; and forgave- forgiving myself was possibly the hardest part- I realized how wonderful it is to be independent. To be independent and, through this, rediscover past passions and reconnect with the people and pursuits I had neglected. In essence, the moral of this story is that I learned (and continue to learn) a lot. Throughout this journey, I also realized some incredibly important things that might be, perhaps, blindingly obvious but that are too often forgotten:
- It has taken me nineteen years to realize that my parents are always on my side. Don’t battle with them; appreciate and gain wisdom from them as they won’t be here forever.
- Love will appear in the strangest of places and in the strangest of guises. It won’t necessarily blossom within the sticky, dazzling confines of a club or bar. It will be found in the quietest of moments.
- As Baz Luhrmann says in the song “Sunscreen”: “Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.” I couldn’t have put it better myself.
- Maintain humility in both moments of greatness and loss. Embrace the ebb and flow of life, because the greater the storm, the brighter the rainbow. Force yourself to see the silver linings.
- Hardship is mandatory and inevitable; the way you deal with such difficulty is what actually defines you.
- Rejection is also an inevitable part of life. If you’ve ever been rejected in love, take this advice from quote-writer extraordinaire Shannon L. Alder: “Never rearrange your life in order to meet Mr. Darcy half way. If he couldn’t see your worth at the moment you met then he won’t two years later. May the halls of Pemberley be filled with his regrets and your life filled with thankfulness because of this revelation.”
- Every mistake provides the opportunity for improvement. The lessons that appear from painful and challenging experiences will be some of the hardest but also some of the most valuable you will ever learn.
- ‘Breaking up’ equates to waking up. Each relationship has a purpose and adds more color to the patchwork quilt that is your life. Forgive and move on; it truly is the best revenge.
- Comparison is the thief of happiness – alongside the worry and anxiety that jealousy entails. As Luhrmann once again reminds us: “Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and in the end, it’s only with yourself.”
- Finally, being yourself is one of the most powerful tools you have, so wholeheartedly embrace your individuality. To truly love yourself is to be truly powerful.