For this week’s campus profile I want to introduce an SPU staff couple that some of us know through taking their fun psychology course. Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott taught relationships development and marriage development, two courses designed to teach us how to relate to one another in a romantic relationship and even in a friendship. Let’s see what they’re doing for Valentine’s Day and what advice they can offer us about relationships!
1. Do you still celebrate Valentine’s Day? If so, what are your plans?
“We love Valentine’s Day. However, we are almost always traveling during this time of year because it’s a popular time for couple’s seminars. We’ll actually be speaking in 10 different cities the week before and after Valentine’s Day this year – Charlotte, Dallas, Houston, Chicago, etc. So we joke that our romantic Valentine’s dinner is usually at an Italian restaurant in the B Terminal of O’Hare. We’ve had our “romantic” meal there pretty consistently over the years.”
2. What is one piece of advice you both have for young couples?
“When you start to get serious in your relationship, take a reputable couple’s assessment. Ours is called the SYMBIS Assessment – SYMBIS stands for Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts (seewww.SYMBISassessment.com). It generates a 15-page personalized report with all kinds of objective insights to ensure your relationship is headed in the right direction. Doing something like this, we know from research, lowers the odds of divorce by 31 percent and increases levels of contentment and satisfaction by more than a third.”
3. What is one piece of advice you both have for someone single and looking for a significant other?
“It’s never been easier to find the love of your life. Fifteen years ago when we were helping to launch a company called eHarmony people thought it was crazy to find someone to date online. Today, of course, it’s extremely popular. In fact, more than 500 weddings per day happen as a result of matches on eHarmony (and the divorce rate of those who do is just 2.8 percent). Of course, online dating is not typical or even needed for younger people in college – especially on a vibrant campus like SPU. That’s why; if you’re looking for a significant other we encourage you to show some initiative. Don’t be afraid to date. There’s a stigma around dating sometimes on our campus. People want to “hang out” rather than date. That’s okay. But don’t be shy about initiating an actual date if you’d like to get to know someone. And to be honest, guys (nation-wide) are not asking women out too much. So if you’re a woman and you want to get to know a guy, ask him out.”
4. What do you both think the biggest take away (if you had to choose one or two) from taking your relationships development course?
“On the very first night of the course we give our students a sentence that serves as the hinge upon which the whole course swings: If you try to build intimacy with another person before you’ve done the hard work of getting whole, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself. That’s a way of saying that your relationships can only be as healthy as you are. Therefore one of the most important things you can to improve your relationships is to work on who you are within them. If you get a lock on this concept, your entire life gets easier.”
5. What is the best part about teaching this course together as a couple?
“We’ve taught our relationship class for nearly 25 years and we’ve loved it. Unfortunately, the department of psychology no longer offers the course – a true heartbreak for us. We’ve had nearly 200 students in DH150 every year since we started teaching it. But as we look back on what we have appreciated about the course it has to be the students. They always came to this class with eager anticipation and a lot of fantastic, heart-felt questions. The students in this class are the most invested students we know. In fact, last year, a student actually got a tattoo of something we said in class. That may be taking it a bit far! It shocked us in fact. But it’s indicative of just how invested our students are in having healthy relationships.”
Dr. Les and Leslie have several books that teach us the information they taught in their course. Find their books here at http://www.lesandleslie.com/