I’m sure any a mature adult knows what terms the “gay,” “lesbian,” “transgender,” and “bisexual” mean. These make up the commonly used acronym LGBTQ(+).
But what is that little ‘+’ doing there? Aren’t there just gays, lesbians, trans, and bi people running around?
Well, let me tell you a little secret… There are more letters to learn!
What the ‘+’ includes is everyone else who falls under the queer umbrella: “pansexual,” “intersex,” and “asexual.”
Mind. Blown.
The most inclusive acronym being used now is LGBTQIA+ (notice the missing “P” for pansexual. Yeah, spoiler, it’s still not the most inclusive).
Don’t know what pansexual, intersex, or asexual mean? Freaking out a little because you need to learn even more terms about the queer community? Trying to say LGBTQIA+ a dozen times and panicking because suddenly there’s a bigger mouthful than LGBT? Don’t worry, we’ll get through this together. But first, a vocab lesson:
Pansexual: an individual who experiences sexual attraction to any sex and gender identity
Intersex: usually an individual who’s biological sexual/reproductive anatomy doesn’t fit the standard definition of male or female
Asexual: A person who experiences no sexual attraction to any gender
These are three identities that are not mentioned in mainstream media as much as they need to be. These are what I like to call the non-“mainstream” queers (sometime bi can be thrown in certain circumstances). There are plenty of other identities that are also not given much light. But for right now, I’ll like to focus on these three. More specifically, asexuality.
Why? Because I am asexual. I can speak more accurately about this identity because I am living it.
Shocked? Amazed? Impressed? Are you thinking that I’m going to start multiplying and soon there will be a million of me walking around?
Yeah, I wish. My plans for world domination would be easier that way…but back to the important stuff.
I first discovered asexuality during freshman year, and it was the most amazing discovery. I no longer felt like the broken heterosexual, and I realized that there was nothing wrong with me! I just wasn’t straight! That would have saved me a few tears back in high school. Who thought that it would be that painful trying to figure out for myself that I wasn’t strictly straight? It seemed easier for my lesbian and gay friends to get the hint, but why did it take me so long to realize my identity?
Oh, I know. BECAUSE NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT. There is basically zero representation of any asexual (ace for short) people in any media. Nor was it ever talked about in my public high school. Shocker. The only reason I heard the term “asexual” was because it was name-dropped in a University 101 class presentation. I had to research it extensively before I fully knew what it was.
Everyone knows what a lesbian is. Everyone knows what gay means. Everyone knows what transgender is (thank you, Caitlyn Jenner). Yet, no one knows what an asexual is!
That has been my constant struggle. Coming out, then immediately having to explain what it is. Then having people say:
“That’s not a real thing. You just want to feel special.”
“What do you mean? I thought you liked men!”
“Huh?”
“*Insert really personal question about masturbation here*”
“You just haven’t met the right one yet!”
“How can you be sure if you haven’t had sex?”
“Have you been to the doctors? Maybe you have some sort of hormonal imbalance?”
“Oh, you’re just a late bloomer!”
And the creepiest response: “I can change that.”
Really? Like, REALLY? I’m fine with you asking questions about definitions, but don’t be creepy or invalidate my identity. And no, there is nothing wrong with me biologically, nor am I a “late bloomer.” I’m 22. I’m not blooming into anything anymore. To me, it’s a pretty simple concept to figure out. Asexual means no sexual attraction. But in our sex obsessed world and media, it’s a hard concept to get.
This is what happens when you are a non-“mainstream” queer. You have to validate and define yourself all the time. And this isn’t limited to just straight people; it’s others within the queer community as well. I have to deal with a whole other problem with them though. It’s like being in line to an exclusive club.
Queer bouncer: “Yo, how queer are you?”
Me: “Um, I’m ace?”
Queer bouncer: “Ha! Sorry, you’re not queer enough. But you might have better luck there – ” *points at dumpster*
Me: “Damn.”
That’s what I get to deal with. Many times the level of queerness is judged by level of suffering. If you’re gay or trans, you have to the very real possibility of being fired, shunned from your family, even stoned to death in certain countries. While people who are bi, ace, or pan get this magical pass of “straight passing privilege,” meaning that you appear straight and can be treated as such. There is some bitterness that goes on about this very idea and “straight passing privilege” isn’t really a privilege. It creates different types of problems. But that is whole different rant.
Back on subject, there are many people out there that don’t know they are asexual and probably feel broken and lost. It’s estimated that roughly 1% of the population is asexual and, considering that the world population is over 7 billion, there are roughly 70,000,000 aces out there! And for more stats, 1 out of every 100 people could be ace. There could be an ace person standing right next to you. If it’s me, don’t be afraid to say hi!
Asexuality is a thing and there are many people out there that are ace. So please don’t invalidate anyone or think they aren’t queer “enough.” It would be greatly appreciated.
Also, it doesn’t hurt to do your research! Check out AVEN and learn some more fun lingo! And hey, it might be just as an eye opening experience for you as it was for me. Good luck out there!
HCXO,
Ashley