How does it feel to be the only one trying? How does it feel to be the only one who cares? Lonely. Exhausting. And Painful. That’s how it feels.
Your kindness and devotion should never go unreturned. Taking the steps to finally let go of that person who you care so much about is challenging─ so many late-night cries and moments of loneliness. However, I am telling you that happiness and self-growth are on the other side.
For me, I had to let go of one of my most precious friendships at the start of college, a huge turning point in my life. College is the time to start discovering who you want to be and I knew that with this friend, I wasn’t who I wanted to be. I felt unloved and unappreciated and it was not her fault. She is such an incredible person with the most genuine soul; she is like a sister to me in so many ways. She just couldn’t give me what I needed in a friendship─ vulnerability, quality time, and attentiveness. Due to lack of all of this, I treated her awful and became someone I never want to be. It was better for both of us. I couldn’t give her what she needed in a friendship either.
Despite how much we have faced together and how she literally knows are the deepest parts of me, she is a stranger to me now. It was easy to end the friendship when you were the only one reaching out. It shouldn’t have been that easy, but it was (proving to me again that this friendship was one-sided).
I still wish her all the greatest things in the world because she deserves it, but I don’t regret my decision. Maybe one day we can be friends again and know how to love each other correctly. For now, though, I hope she has met people who love her and she has become someone she is proud of. Looking back now, I would say, “I’m sorry for never giving you a reason for cutting you off, but I still care for you as I have always promised.”
Navigating the complexity of friendships is tough and is something that will continue happening all throughout life. The lessons you learn from these trials are life-changing though, completely transforming the way you go about your future friendships. Just understand not everyone grows together.