On a spur-of-the-moment decision, I decided to use the extra time I had while visiting New York City to browse the famous Museum of Sex in NYC. Admittedly, I did not plan to partake in such an excursion; in fact, my only plan for that night was to attend a small networking event, and then take the train back home to the City of Brotherly Love.
But, as per usual, I refused to waste the “spare” hour I had in the city, so I said, “What the hell” and ventured into said sex museum. Here’s a play-by-play of what went down.
6:00 p.m. As I walked around Madison Square Garden for the second time, I decided to think about what else I could do to kill time before the event. Also, I needed to get into air conditioning- dear God was it hot out there. As I turned a corner, I noticed the museum out of the corner of my eye, so I decided to go inside, just to quell my curiosity.
6:05 p.m. Upon walking into the museum, I was greeted by 50 or so dildos. I had no idea there could be so many different colors, shapes (??) and sizes. “I’ll take them all!”
6:06 p.m. Moving along, the next thing I noticed were the “cum rags” stacked impeccably to my right. So, I obviously scurried over. After all, I needed to find some new apartment decor. Abby, do you like these?
6:10 p.m. By now I had seen just about every sex toy known to man, inclusive of some rather kinky, out-there toys. Very interesting. I started to notice couples buying tickets to the rest of the show. I stood there, teetering on the decision of whether or not to buy myself a solo ticket.
6:14 p.m. “Hell yeah! Let’s do this!” Most of the time I am faced with decisions such as this, I go for it. I smiled at all of the couples walking by, nodded and said, “See ya up there!”
6:20 p.m. I am greeted by a sign, “Hard Core.” I immediately put my game face on- they mean business. This section provides a nice history of sex. Saw some nice home videos of some couples getting it on. To be honest, the quality could have been better, c’mon people, take pride in your work!
6:30 p.m. This next exhibit was all about animals and their sex lives’. There were life-size molds of various animals while they were having sexy time. I feel slightly violated, but there’s no way I’m leaving with one more section left.
6:40 p.m. The line for the boob bounce was so long. I’m devastated. That was the only thing I wanted to do. I’ve seen things I can’t unsee, just for this. But, I have to leave, so I wink at the couple behind me, and whisper, “Have fun” as enticingly as I could.
Well, there you have it. I do plan to go back one day. You can never visit the Museum of Sex too often.