Let’s be honest- as great as sex is, it definitely comes with its fair shares of cons as well. Besides the very important decisions about health (protection, STDs, etc.), there are also the emotional problems we have to deal with as well. I’m not talking about the rush of love you feel towards the other person, or the magic of the moment.
I’m talking about the emotions of being naked in front of someone else.
Luckily I’ve gotten to a place where I am pretty comfortable with my body. It used to be a not-so-nice experience looking in the mirror but now I am much more confident in how I look. It took many years to get to that point, but I promise we’ll all be there.
However, as much as I love my body, loving it enough for someone else to see it, especially all the, ahem, intimate parts… well, that is another thing entirely. I have some tips that worked for me and hopefully they work for you too! Or at least to reassure you that you’re not alone.
- They are just as nervous as you.
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No, seriously.
You might be worrying over if you got every stray hair off your legs, or if your hair is really going to stay out of your face the whole time. You might be self-conscious of if you’re too heavy, or if that you’re too flat. To be honest, you are the only one thinking about those things. The other person is just thinking about how hot you are, how lucky they or, and/or hoping they don’t mess up, too. They are definitely not fixating on the little things that you’re worried about. You’re not noticing every trivial thing about them, are you? So how can they do the same?
For example, there is something that I was never really comfortable with about myself, something I didn’t want to do during sex because I felt like it was too much. Turns out, my boyfriend thinks it is the hottest thing ever and encourages it. The little things you might be afraid of (your flexibility, your moans, etc.) just might be your partner’s favorite thing.
- Be naked with them, not just during sex.
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I don’t mean walking around the house naked (unless that’s your cup of tea) but more so, being comfortable in each other’s presence enough that it because more normal. Showering together is good way to start because it gets you both comfortable with being naked not necessarily in a sexual manner. Showering together can be sexy, but not when you were supposed to be at work ten minutes ago. Oops.
Even if you’re only half-clothed, it gives a chance for both you and your partner to get used to the sight of each other in a more casual way. I used to keep my bra on during the first time getting intimate with someone because it gave me more of a sense of control. Don’t feel pressured to leap into this step all at once. If you want to get dressed in your underwear the first time after, that’s fine. These things take time.
- Focus on how you feel rather than what you look like.
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You would not be having sex with someone if they did not think you were gorgeous. You have to show yourself that same amount of love. It’s especially helpful if you focus on all their compliments and think about them in the mirror. They loved my laugh. They loved my a**. etc. It’s okay to be self-centered once in awhile because you do want to celebrate you and how awesome you are.
You’re going to be so caught up in the moment anyway, that you won’t even be thinking about what was making you uncomfortable. You deserve to have a good time and to feel good about yourself.
And let me make one thing clear, ladies- whoever you’re with is downright honored to be having sex with you. If they can’t understand that, drop ’em!