Adrienne Jonelle “AJ” Summer is a senior social work student and third year Resident Mentor.
When you meet her, you see a cute little blonde girl with a sweet southern drawl who loves calling people “boo boo”. She is senior and a third year Resident Mentor, and you can most likely find her in the East Quad study room Monday nights with her residents, watching The Bachelor. AJ’s the ultimate girly-girl who obsesses over the color pink and fiercely praises her queen, Beyoncé. She isn’t just a cute little southern belle who you think has it easy without a care in the world.
“I have a younger sister and a younger brother. Growing up, we were very country…very low maintenance people.” Her family was close until the seventh grade when her parents divorced. “The kids typically go with the mom, but in our case we stayed with our dad. So, I had to become a mom, basically.” It was AJ’s responsibility to clean the house and make sure there was food on the table.
AJ had to grow up faster than her peers and had to worry about her family before herself. Her relationship with her mother was “different.” Before the divorce her mother was the disciplinary mom, but afterwards AJ didn’t see her mom as often. AJ felt that because she had to act like a mom, she didn’t need a mom. She says she was the typical “daddy’s girl” and was very close with him, but he worked long hours and they didn’t spend a lot of time together. “Looking back on it now, that was really sucky! Knowing now how much I miss out of [childhood].” The one good thing that came out of the whole situation was the close relationship with her siblings, “we are inseperable.”
Sophomore year of high school, AJ’s father took a job in Georgia and she didn’t want to leave her siblings, so she moved in with her mother. As a result, she had to go to a new school. It wasn’t long until she dominated the social scene. She was on the varsity team of her softball and volleyball team, the homecoming and prom queen, president of the senior class, and dated the popular football quarterback. AJ lived the high school fantasy, yet, she didn’t feel quite right with all of it.
She was hiding a crucial part of her identity from her family and high school friends.
“I don’t know the age, but I knew the exact thing I was doing. I was at a friend’s house and we were playing ‘prom’. There was no act. I just had an epiphany that I am not like everyone else because all of my friends were talking about these cute boys and I just talked about boys because I felt like I had to.”
This was back when she was a small child and it became real for her when she was in seventh grade when everything happened with her family. But she never voiced it to anyone and never acted on it until freshman year of college, when she started dating girls.
“Literally, when I first started physically dating [girls], I just felt so free even though I was still trying to hide it.”
Her college friends were the first people who she came out to and accepted that she was a lesbian. When she came out to her family, it was not by choice. AJ’s mother was helping her move out of her dorm at the end of freshman year when her mother saw a text message that revealed all. It was the worst case scenario: Her mother was devastated, her father thought it was just a phase. She lost her high school friends and her family was confused. AJ was kicked out of her house and shunned by her family.
“I think my family was just mainly confused. When they thought of the term ‘lesbian’, they thought of a butch girl, just like that stereotype, and I am not the stereotype…I didn’t fit into that mold of lesbian that they had in their mind.”
Luckily, her grandparents took her in so she didn’t wind up on the streets. “They weren’t totally about to throw on some rainbow and walk down pride with me, but they were like, we still love you.” Most of her college friends from college were from Charleston, so she would take every chance she could to visit them. They were the people who supported her.
It wasn’t until around Christmas that her family started to warm up to the idea that she was gay. Her family’s biggest fear was that she would be different from the AJ they knew and loved: the girly girl who loved dressing up. When they realized this was always a part of her, they started to accept it. Still, not all of her family members are on board with it. “My mom totally adores Caitlyn [her girlfriend], but some of my family still [say] ‘this is AJ and her friend.’” It’s a process, but it’s better than when she first came out.
AJ and her girlfriend, Caitlyn.
When AJ came to USC, she became very close with her floor mates and her Resident Mentor (RM). They became a family, and her RM saw budding potential within her. “You should apply to be an RM. You’d be great at it,” he would nag her. AJ rolled her eyes at him. She couldn’t see herself being a “glorified hall monitor.” But he continued to nag and finally she filled out the application just to shut him up. After a few months and an interview, she was hired. She had no idea what she was getting herself into.
“Everyone has a different view of what an RM actually [does], some people think that they are just are hall monitors or they are just out to bust people. No one really had an understanding.” AJ didn’t think she was cut out for the job. She hated conflict, she described herself as “a doormat.” She was scared of sophomore year. She said the training session was intimidating because everyone already knew each other and spoke in weird acronyms she didn’t understand. They gave presentations on hard hitting subjects such as suicide prevention, how to handle a sexual assault situation, and many other subjects that were overwhelming to a new RM. Unlike many other jobs, RMs don’t clock out; they are working 24/7. She said the real balancing act is trying to do homework or sleep at 3 a.m. when a resident knocks on her door about something she can’t ignore. It was also the year she switched her major from nursing to social work. She only chose nursing because people said she would be good at it; “I wasn’t doing it for me.”
The second year of being an RM (junior year) was the real test. She had an all-male floor. She had to become assertive, lay down the rules, and not be the doormat that they could walk all over. It was tough, but she was grateful for it; “I wouldn’t be the RM I am today.” Her floor was close, but that bond would only be strengthened the following semester.
On January 15, 2017, AJ’s father passed away. Their relationship had still been distant, and he never fully accepted her. Sadly, her last conversation with her father was a fight. When she received the news, whatever they were fighting about didn’t matter anymore. “Never leave a conversation mad because you never know if that would be the last time you see that person,” she says.
AJ didn’t tell anyone why she left school for a week. “I remember when I came home from picking out a casket, it was the day you didn’t want to have. I was all upset and crying, and I came home to this beautiful bouquet of flowers.” When she opened the card, she saw the names of her residents. They had found out.
“I lived with twenty-seven boys and two chicks…it was one of those things that I didn’t expect guys to do. I broke down because that was just the sweetest thing.” It made her realize she could rely on others for support and her floor became a family after that. “They had honestly became my little brothers,” she admits with a wide smile. “We talk almost daily.” It made being an RM was all worth it.
As senior year came and AJ looked into social work careers, it didn’t feel like any of them would make her happy. During her last move-in day, smiling and handing out “first year experience” pamphlets, she realized this is what makes her happy. This was her calling. She’s been working with her supervisor to seek out higher education graduate programs at various colleges. On February 2, she was accepted into Clemson’s higher education graduate program. She still has to interview for a graduate assistantship, but the future looks bright.
AJ says to try to put yourself into others shoes.“If you looked at me, you wouldn’t know half the crap I’ve gone through.” Everyone has a story, and if you take time to listen you can learn so much. “Everyone wants to tell these stories, but they don’t because they feel like no one listens or no one cares.” Throughout AJ’s RM career, she has been the listening ear. But she has also spoken out about her life experiences, making her residents feel comfortable to talk to her. She’s had residents come out to her, and she was able to comfort and relate to those who came from tough family situations. She also strives to be a positive role model for her siblings so that they can have someone to look up to.
AJ and her siblings dabbing it out.