Social media has grown over the past few years to become a ubiquitous part of our lives. We’re all subjected to it in one way or another; be it Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Yikyak, Whisper, or any other of the hundreds of social media platforms. It has become more than just a way of sharing your spring break vacay to Cancun, or venting about midterms. We’ve entered a new age of social media marked by selfies and Instagram models and popular figures from the Kardashians to Bernie Sanders. But it’s more than just personal attention. And the real question is: Is social media affecting our relationships?
First of all, I don’t think there’s a particularly right or wrong answer here. Ultimately, we all value social media to different degrees; the number of likes you get on your latest selfie might not matter to you, but it could make or break someone else’s day. That said, I do think social media has changed our perspective of relationships, and here’s why.
I was dating a guy a while ago, and while looking at his Instagram one day, I jokingly remarked, “He can #WCW a sandwich but not me.” I was amused for about 0.5 seconds and then I realized he had never, in our year and a half relationship, featured me. And I got annoyed! And then I got annoyed that I was annoyed by this seemingly trivial matter. Why did I feel entitled to a place on HIS social media? I let it go, but it made me think. When did little things like Woman Crush Wednesday’s start bugging me?
When it comes to relationships, social media is a blessing and a curse. It gives you a chance to flaunt that special someone who’s basically your moon and sun and the love of your life, which is cool! It lets you keep tabs on your long distance best friend and her girlfriend, and you can support them through pictures of their anniversaries. However, it can make people uncomfortable. It’s like internet PDA. And with most things, there’s etiquette to it. Date night? Cute. Morning after photos? Maybe not.
But it all boils down to our inescapable tendencies to compare ourselves to others. My wise roommate has told me, couples on social media are cute to observe, and sometimes even give her some ideas for dates with her long-term boyfriend. However, it has motivated her to stay away from being “too showy,” and stay focused on other aspects of her life. On the other hand, I had seen so many #WCW posts featuring my girl friends that it made me think, “Why can’t my guy do that?” It’s like being given flowers. The flowers are a visible reminder that someone loves you and wants to celebrate your presence in their life. And let’s face it, it makes us feel good. But it can get toxic after a point, and poison a perfectly stable relationship with unnecessary jealously. Just because your significant other doesn’t post about you day in and day out doesn’t mean they don’t love you.
So the bottom line is this: don’t compare yourself or your relationship to the perfect couples you see on social media, and your relationship will stay happy and healthy. Pushing your expectations on your partner will be stressful and cause more problems than you need. If it really bothers you, talk to them. See where they’re coming from. Maybe they have reasons for keeping you to themselves. Communication is key. But don’t base your “relationship goals” on the Instagram models. Every couple fights, every couple has their own struggles, even if you don’t see it. Cheer them on instead, and get inspired! If you’re single and feeling lonely, plan a date night with your besties and post about that instead of how lonely you are. See how many people call you guys “friendship goals”. You may be surprised.