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Every guy you’ll encounter at mixers as told by their cookie counterpart

It’s mixer season, and with that, comes an assortment of guys to meet and mingle with. When it comes to picking the right one, though, well that can be one tough cookie.

1. The Home-made Chocolate Chip

Courtesy of New York Times

This cookie looks as good as it tastes. He treats people wonderfully because that’s how his momma raised him. He has that melt in your mouth appeal or you can melt in his arms. What makes this cookie even better? There are never any surprise nuts; you always know what you’re getting into with him. But like all good things, if you’re late to the party, you’ll be left scraping the pan.

2. The Oreo

Courtesy of Psychology Today

This cookie is the guy that that looks good in the moment but puts up a hard front you have to get around in order to really get to know the good stuff on inside. It’s a lot of work for such a small amount of yummy bliss and for such a short period of time to enjoy it before it’s all gone.

3. The Oatmeal Raisin

Courtesy of Duncan Hines

This is the granola guy with the Birks or Chaco’s, who rolls the bottoms of his pants and probably got his shirt at the local Goodwill (even though he can afford the season’s newest Birkenstocks and Chaco’s). He probably has shaggy hair and a just enough scruff to look rugged and handsome. Like the oatmeal raisin cookie he’s intriguing at first, something different. But, also like the oatmeal raisin, if it’s not already your favorite, taking a bite from this cookie might be more than you can chew.

4. The Milano Cookie

Courtesy of Junk Food Guy

It’s the smooth, delicious looking cookie, the tall, dark and handsome guy. He’s smooth with his words and smooth with his moves, but he has all the wrong intentions. Like you do for the cookie, you just keep coming back for more. But also, just like the cookie’s calories aren’t worth the eating, the guy isn’t worth the time, and it doesn’t take too long to figure that one out.

5. The Nilla Wafer

Courtesy of Instructables

Perfect (for when you’re bored). This is the guy who’s always there. He’s sweet and easy to get along with, but he’s also the guy you friend-zoned ten minutes after meeting him. He’s just a bit too vanilla. He’s just a little too plain to look at and a little too plain to seriously consider having any kind of relationship with other than him being your guy-best-friend.

6. Girl Scout Thin Mints

Courtesy of Paleoista

Similar to the Milano, the Thin Mint cookie is sleek and smooth. He tastes as good as he looks; everyone swoons over him. Because this cookie is in high demand it becomes way over-priced for what it is. Similarly, the guy becomes way too arrogant. Plus, the cookie’s only available when the Girl Scout sells it. Who wants a guy that goes in and out of their life like that anyway?

7. Chips Ahoy! (Originals)

Courtesy of Brand Eating

The imposter, the homemade chocolate chip want-to-be, this cookie looks delicious. He has the charm of the homemade chocolate chip but not the sincerity. This is the heartbreaker. He draws you in, and the first bite may taste good, but soon you realize he isn’t warm and authentic. He’s not the real thing. Be careful with this one because you might be biting into something a little tough to chew.

So, even when you find that perfect, melt-in-your-mouth, home-made chocolate chip cookie, keep in mind that sweets make your hands sticky, and too much sugar can give you a stomach ache. 

Gabby is a sophomore at SMU majoring in Creative Advertising and Fashion Media and minoring in Graphic Design. She is a member of Tri Delta, and she loves traveling, puppies, and all things art. You can follow her on Instagram @gabrielle_grubb
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