Winter break is around the corner, and for most of us, that means going back home.
Family time can be such a Godsend after a semester away, but for some of us, it can also be really stressful. Family drama is very, very, real. But don’t let arguing ruin your holidays! Here are a few tips for a stress-free winter break.
1. Identify problems beforehand. Before leaving for break, try to figure out exactly why you fight with your family. Think back on some of your worst arguments. Is there any common theme? Are there certain topics that always lead to disaster? Annoying habits that constantly cause bickering? If you know why there’s drama whenever your family reunites, you’ll be able to avoid triggers.
2. Seek guidance.
If you’re really stressed about going home, try talking through your worries with someone you trust. SMU offers great counseling services! You could also talk to a spiritual leader, a sibling, or even a good friend. This way, you can vent your frustrations in a healthy, safe, place instead of blowing up at your parents. Also, a mentor might help you pinpoint causes and solutions to your family woes.
3. Set the tone for your break early. If you’re worried about family fighting, chances are your parents and siblings are worried too. Ease their concerns by setting a positive tone before you even arrive home. Call them and tell them how excited you are to see them! Tread carefully on your first few days back. Avoid topics that lead to arguing, and keep a positive attitude. Hopefully, your positivity will rub off on the rest of your household.
4. Prevent problems.
Try talking to your family before break about your concerns. Express that you want a drama-free break, and ask if there’s anything you can do to help that happen. For example, your mom is short tempered because she’s overwhelmed with holiday stress, ask her what you can do to ease her burden. Then, share how you think they can help curb fighting. Don’t be accusatory, and don’t complain. Say something like, “Dad, I’ve noticed we always argue when we talk about this, so can we try to avoid it while I’m home?” Phrasing your question like this shares blame and doesn’t put the burden on one person.
5. Prepare to de-escalate. Unfortunately, you might do all you can, and end up embroiled in an argument anyway. For example, maybe your parents are dead set on discussing the election, or dating, or something else that you’ve worked to avoid. Come ready for this situation. Before break, come up with ways to shut down arguments. For example, instead of fighting about Donald Trump, come up with a few political jokes to lighten the mood. Maybe mention a recent article you’ve read about the election that you found interesting. Think of ways to contribute to the conversation that are not hostile. You can also prepare segues into less polarizing conversation. For example, if your parents bring up dating, and that always leads to drama, ask questions like, “What was dating like for you at college?” Try to shift the focus away from the triggering conversation. If nothing else works, you can also stick with honesty. Say something like “We always fight when we talk about this. Is there any way we can change the subject?” Hopefully, your family will appreciate your desire to avoid confrontation.
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