Do you ever wonder what it feels like to be followed by paparazzi or chased by reporters? If yes, go to college! As soon as you’ve spent 24 hours away from home, family and friends will join forces and bombard you with questions that you never even thought to ask yourself.
“On a scale of 1-10, how much do you like school?” or “How many bowls of ramen noodles have you eaten so far?” or “On an average day what is the temperature, humidity level, and rate at which a cute boy crosses your path?”
Every question deserves an answer, so if you need a little help, the Real Housewives have your back.
Start by explaining the gawkiness of orientation weekend.
Your parents set you free and before you know it, you feel like an exchange student at the airport looking for your host family; the only thing indicating that you’re going home with the right people is a poster with your name on it. You sit with your group and start playing getting-to-know-you games that really only expedite the awkwardness of it all. But at least you know who prefers Skippy peanut butter over Jif…?
Next, tell them that Alliot keeps you well fed.
There’s plenty to choose from, but you’ve begun making combinations of your own to spice things up and keep your taste buds interested. Who knew grilled cheese tastes best topped with cottage cheese and hot sauce? Don’t forget to mention the potatoes. No matter how many odd combinations you may make, the potatoes (tots, fries, mashed, sweet, you name it) are not to be messed with. That is one starch Alliot does right.
Whatever you do, don’t mention food without following it up with exercise or some sort of diet.
Even if you do get peer pressured into eating ice cream six out of seven days a week, don’t let that cat out of the bag! You can’t risk receiving a care package filled with broccoli and bananas as opposed to cookies and brownies.
When it comes to academics, be honest!
New classes, professors, and amounts of studying can make for a challenging adjustment. There is no reason to sugar coat any of it! Tell them that when you spend time doing anything but homework, a sort of guilt forms and your conscience tells you to go do something productive. Don’t be afraid to publicize the fact that you went to a tutor the night before a big exam with dozens of questions or that you stayed up until 1:00AM finishing a paper. It’s probably a little entertaining that it costs $53,000 to fund your struggles, efforts, dreams, and successes.
Next, explain that living in Vermont has coerced you into adopting a new, crunchy lifestyle.
The beauty of nature and the world around you is praised in a way you have never seen before. You love being outside. Might it be studying on a blanket in the grass, hammocking from trees, or hiking every spare day you have, it’s a way of life.
Don’t forget to tell everyone that you’ve already fallen in love with St. Mike’s.
Be sure to praise our amazing community and the abundance of genuinely nice people. Tell about our innate door holding qualities. No matter the distance, if someone ahead of you is walking through the door you’re headed for, it will be held until you get there. Talk about the week you were sick and how whenever you sneezed in class, 95% of the people in the whole lecture hall would say “God bless you.” It’s the little things that make St. Mike’s the best place to be…
… And that’s something even the Real Housewives can see!