How it took me four years of college to find confidence in collegiate social situations
I remember the first time I ate dinner in my school’s dining hall like it was yesterday (and for someone with a horrible memory, that’s impressive). I was carrying a frisbee that I had just tossed with a friend from high school who had ended up at the same college as me. I noticed some guys in line at the salad bar and asked if they liked frisbee. Even though they didn’t, they agreed to play with me after dinner. These guys ended up being in my core group of friends throughout my entire freshman year.
The collegiate environment revolves around social relationships: from talking to the person next to you during a pair-and-share activity in class to answering a cheesy icebreaker at a student organization meeting to getting to know the person you will share a bedroom with for a year whom you have never met before moving in.
It is impossible to avoid engagement in these relationships. This is part of the unique, exciting collegiate experience! You are surrounded by peers, friends and future soulmates every single day.
These interactions–while usually mandatory–can also be extremely fruitful and natural. Having so many interactions with complete strangers throughout my entire freshman year of college made me accustomed to and even comfortable with being uncomfortable in these situations. I became skilled at reading rooms and carrying conversations.
As sophomore year came and went and junior year went right along with it too, I settled into a consistent line-up of friends. My classes narrowed down to peers with the same major that I saw daily. The clubs I was involved in remained consistent in our members. Social interactions got easier and more comfortable.
While I enjoyed the routine of my friends and the people I saw through all my on-campus involvements, I realized that I was not as comfortable anymore with making new friends. It’s one thing to introduce yourself and meet some superficially, but I felt out of practice with fostering new relationships. As a sophomore and junior in college, this feeling that I was out of practice in the friend-making department was unsettling.
Coming into senior year, I knew I needed to make a change.
This year as I walked onto campus as a fourth-year student, I decided to adopt a freshman mentality. The “freshman mentality,” as I came to look at it, is the ability to be eager to meet entirely new people and be ready to foster the relationship if I have a connection with that person. It means saying hello to someone I only met once who may not remember me. It’s starting up a conversation with the person behind me in line for Starbucks. It’s asking if anyone in my class wants to grab coffee afterward.
It is a tale as old as time on college campuses that after the welcome week magic wears off, first-year students’ eagerness to meet people gradually fades until it is almost in oblivion by their second year. I want to emulate that first-day-of-class freshman attitude. The kind where they are not afraid to ask for the number of the person sitting next to them in class or invite random people from the dining hall to throw a frisbee outside.
Something as simple as deciding to role-play as a freshman has dramatically altered the course of my social life this school year. It has led me to start conversations with people of all academic years, backgrounds and interests, and it has made this school year so much fun.
I’ve realized that everyone around me (for the most part) is waiting for someone to offer them a smile or “hello.” When I put myself out there, I was always received positively. What had I been doing the past three years of college? It took me this long to figure out that swallowing my pride and treating everyone like a potential friend is all it takes to feel completely comfortable around strangers?!
I know my cure-all solution is extremely simple and can’t work in every situation or with every person. Sometimes you simply might not have the energy to put on a smile and say, “Hey!” Sometimes people who are shy might not receive you with the same energy you are giving them. And that is okay. At least they will know that you are there for them as a friend whenever they are ready too!
I encourage you to take a leap the next time you hesitate to reach out to someone. Remind yourself of a time that you made a shot in the dark at a total stranger and they ended up a friend–use that as motivation and for comfort!
The emotional maturity that comes with being a senior in college helps us be aware of the energy ourselves and others give off, but sometimes it takes the guts of an eager freshman to take the chance and do something so small, yet so tough. So be bold and be brave and find comfort in knowing that it’s the smallest act of kindness that can go such a long way.