I am lowkey a hopeless romantic, which is funny considering my usual article topics of choice. Nevertheless, the idea of “the one that got away” has always intrigued me. It is interesting that people can be with someone they value so much, but they still can mess it up before anything good ever comes of it. This topic fascinates me even more after several dating instances where I was left to call it quits and be the one walking away because there were things that obviously would never work.
It is a bittersweet feeling to have an ex that could have been the one, but things changed and happened in the relationship that could not be overlooked. Then, they ultimately left. It’s even more bittersweet if you were the person doing the leaving. Whatever happens to “the one that got away?” Will they ever move on? Will they get their dream job and never think of that boy again? Or will they be stuck in a pile of tissues having not showered in a month because of a sea of depression? I like to think they thrive after leaving that person that supposedly cared about them but never showed it. Here is my take on what you should do after being the one that got away.
1. don’t go back
Although this is simple advice, it’s exactly what all people need to hear. There will be men out there who try to gaslight you and say that everything was blown out of proportion in an argument as a way to make you come back. What do we say to this? It’s a hard pass.
Dating in itself is difficult enough, but adding in the tension that comes with getting back with an ex or the manipulation that comes with a man groveling for forgiveness… yeah, I think we can all agree that it simply cannot be worth it.
Manipulation can come in many different forms, and every girl should be aware of them. Whether he is trying to buy your favorite flowers because he realizes that they are “not as beautiful as you,” or he is calling every night and leaving voicemails of how much he misses you and will “be a better man,” you need to stay strong. You have to grow some thick skin and not allow his sweet words to get under it.
I promise that you are not the first girl to hear these lines, nor will you be the last. Honestly, it sounds a bit like the soliloquy that Nate gave Maddy on “Euphoria,” when he tried to get back together: “I’ll change. I’ll grow. Move in with me after high school. Have my babies.” As I stated before: it’s a hard pass.
2. take some time for yourself
Let’s all be honest: if you are the one that got away, you don’t really need to work on yourself. All the BS reasoning that people will give about needing to “take time to find yourself” or needing to “appreciate yourself” or “appreciate singleness” probably doesn’t apply to you. Why? Because being the one that got away automatically comes with the connotation that you know what you want. You were ready for a relationship that would last the long haul—they were the issue.
But you still need to take some time to yourself after the relationship ends. Why? Purely because it is fun and a complete reset for your system. Each time that you are in a relationship with someone, you give a portion of your time, energy and mental capacity to that person. It’s natural, and in a way, it makes sense to give so much of yourself to a potential partner. However, when the relationship has ended, you begin to realize how much time was devoted to that relationship and how little time was devoted to yourself.
Since you did give so much time and effort to a previous partner, it only makes sense to take some time to dedicate to yourself. Maybe spend extra time on a new skin care routine. We all know those take forever, and you buy too many lotions or cleansers for them before giving up on it in a week. So, take this new amount of time after your relationship has ended to dedicate towards making your skin look fabulous. Or maybe just utilize the time that you would spend texting him to take a relaxing bubble bath with a bottle of wine. There are so many things that you lose time for in a relationship: do them when you are single! Better yet, start doing them while you are single and continue them even when you get in a relationship.
3. make sure you are completely over them
Sometimes you break up, but then you aren’t truly over them. At that point, you need to reevaluate some things before getting back on the dating field. I’m not just referring to the obvious “I broke up with him, but I think I still love him!” cliche. I am referring to the emotions of anger or betrayal that you are still feeling from that previous relationship.
I get it. The boy broke your heart. You want him to pay. I understand the perspective, but let me be very clear: slashing three of his tires will do nothing for your anger overall. How do I know this? Well, let’s just say I had a friend that hated a man so much that she went through the trouble to find out that insurance covers the slashing of four tires but not three. Even though it sounds exhilarating and something straight out of “Euphoria,” it is important to note that after she slashed his tires, she was still unbelievably angry and betrayed.
Moral of the story, don’t do any personal property damage in the name of getting even–no matter how hard you try, orange jumpsuits do not look good on anybody. Also, make sure that you are not hiding any true intentions before getting back to the dating scene. Nothing is worse than starting to date someone and then realizing you are not truly ready for a relationship.
4. get back out there
Once you have taken some time to rejuvenate yourself, done a week’s worth of skin care and conquered some of your deeply rooted trust issues from relationships–because we all know you have them–it is time to be open to dating someone new. This does not mean that you are going out to the bar and finding the first Tom, Dick or Harry that comes along so that you can get a new man.
Of course, if this is your method, I will never judge, but I have found that the most effective method of getting back onto the dating field is to simply open yourself up to the possibility of meeting someone. You don’t have to actively search to find someone. That is a sure fire way to end up with a guy that will be an instant replay of the last one. Even worse, you could end up with a creep from Tinder.
Instead, I would like to suggest that you simply wait. Wait for a guy that will be your best friend. Wait for the guy that has similar faith or beliefs as you. Then when you find this guy, do not automatically date him! Continue to be his friend, get to know him better before dating. If there is one thing that you cannot do after you date someone, it is going back to the exact way it used to be before you dated.
5. Watch your back
I do not trust men. People in general can say one thing to you and then say the opposite behind your back. Men, in my opinion, are a bit worse. Men will say whatever they think will stick in order to get the pretty girl to sleep with them or date them (if they want to be “chivalrous” about it).
What I am trying to say is do not be caught off guard because you have opened yourself up to the idea of dating someone new. It’s okay to be skeptical. Actually, it is safer to be skeptical than it is to be heart-eyed over a random person that you know nothing about. So, go on the date–or five. Just be sure that you watch your back and are not falling for a fake boy.
Even though you are the one that got away, that doesn’t make you immune to the attempts of other boys trying to take you down. Take some time to be sure of the guy’s true intentions. Otherwise, you may have to restart this article at number one.