The trend of Ins and Outs lists blew up at the beginning of the new year, and it makes sense. People love to see the new year as a chance to introspect, find things they can leave behind with the old year and pick up new habits or hobbies for the next. Especially at the start of a new year, people are drawn to writing out everything they’re ditching and all the things they are adopting.
It’s human nature to mark things as good or bad. People love to make lists, whether it is red flags to skim through when entering a new relationship, categorizing food that is “good” or “bad” or a list of everything they want to do before their teenage years are over. When we have our thoughts written out in front of us, we can easily determine how we feel. We can then reference these lists whenever we feel in a pinch and in need of validation.
In other words, when we make lists, specifically when determining personal Ins and Outs for the new year, we set expectations for how things should make us feel. This might not be the best practice though.
For instance, one’s “Ins” for the year may be incorporating a 30-minute self-care routine, meditating 10 minutes before bed, taking baths, eating only “clean” desserts, reading one self-help book a week and spending less than one hour a day on our phones. Then just about everything else, staying up past midnight, cheap beer, going out two nights in a row, McDonald’s fries and more so-called bad habits, are all “Out”…Very out.
Caring for our bodies and minds has become so talked about that it can feel trendy, and reflecting on good habits in list form is great! It’s a sign of the way young people are talking about mental and physical health. But one thing that may not be so good for our health is predetermining our emotions and painting unrealistic pictures of our lives.
If we have a big, long list of everything we want to avoid for an entire year, how will we feel if we do three of the things on our “Out” list in one day? Queue existential crisis! What happens when our workout goals don’t mesh with our new job schedule? Or when our friends are all going to McDonald’s late Thursday night? It sounds like this could lead to a self-loathing fest when our actions don’t align with our high expectations for ourselves.
We have to acknowledge the importance of being open-minded. Often when we hear “open-minded” we think about listening to and understanding others, but I would encourage you to be open-minded with yourself. Consider letting yourself have a day that is totally unproductive just to see how it feels. Try listening to a genre of music you swore you hated. Risk a 2 a.m. bedtime just because you’re having a great conversation with a friend. It can be good to allow your mind to get familiar with the unfamiliar at least once in a while.
I have realized that often our “red flags” and “Ins and Outs” are filled with silly ideas that seem glaringly good or bad or even unimportant in the moment. It’s critical, though, to remember the power we give ideas when we write them down and share them. Moreover, it’s important to remember how other people’s Ins and Outs can impact your own life. Weeks into the new year, and I am still thinking about certain “outs” on the lists my friends shared with me or on lists of my own from the past, and I can’t pretend it doesn’t change the way I now look at my behavior. It’s good to set personal goals, but when we let unrealistic goals dictate our own and our friend’s lives, we end up in murky, and potentially toxic, territory.
Ditching the “Ins and Outs” list might also help you prevent a spiral into self-deactualization. It might allow you to be fully present in a conversation shared over the dirtiest, yummiest sweet treat you’ve ever seen. It might help you realize that journaling actually isn’t a way of documenting memories that works for you. It might make the “hangxiety” lessen after a late night where you partied a little more than normal just because it was fun. It might let you ditch some of the criticism that we can so easily place on ourselves.
This year, let’s let one of our “Ins” be honoring our emotions even if it messes up our list.