Like many people, I have had a lot of struggles with my skin throughout the years. We see perfect, poreless skin in the media, supposedly as a result of expensive eye creams and moisturizers and face steamers. We are told constantly that any flaw, crack or crevice in our skin is undesirable or somehow abnormal and that we should do everything we can to cover it up. We are also constantly told that skin problems are somehow our fault, through questions like, “Are you washing your face every night?” and, “Have you checked out this foundation? It is super full coverage!” All these factors led to a long journey, but that journey has led me to loving my skin now. Here are the habits that helped me get there.
I started having cystic acne in sixth grade, and I came by it honestly. Most of the women in my family have struggled with either cystic acne or rosacea—redness of the skin—so it was unsurprising that I would struggle with it too. On top of that, I also struggle from endometriosis, which leads to a hormonal imbalance which fueled the fire of acne on my face and back. Despite all these factors playing into my acne, everyone around me immediately assumed that I was unhygienic and lazy. In turn, I internalized these insults and lies, and it led to me resenting my skin as an example of my failed efforts.
These emotions festered until I got to high school. I went to a Catholic grade school, meaning I was not allowed to wear any form of makeup. When I got to high school, however, any form of makeup was permitted, so I started wearing some. I loved makeup because it was a mask that could be used to hide the flaws of my skin. I wore makeup every day; it became my safety blanket from the whispers about my acne. No matter how much makeup I wore, though, I still felt insecure about how I looked, and the thoughts still swirled around in my head.
I was not very good at makeup, so I began to get into makeup tutorials on YouTube. As I watched these videos in high school, I came across a group of influencers who also struggled with self-image. They frequently talked about how they used to use makeup as a mask, like I was doing at the time. The difference, however, was that they now did makeup for themselves because they enjoyed it. This was a sort of epiphany for me. I had a moment where I realized that, no matter how many security blankets I made myself, I was never going to feel good in my own skin until I chose to.
I started working towards feeling more confident and slowly began to cut down on the makeup. I began doing makeup when I felt like it, rather than feeling obligated to do it everyday. I started working on a kinder voice for myself and promoting comfort in my skin. It was by no means perfect, and it didn’t have to be, because I was not perfect. As high school continued, my acne faded naturally, and it eventually became nothing more than the occasional breakout.
To be fully transparent, I still sometimes struggle with my skin. While I do not struggle with cystic acne anymore, the hyperpigmentation and scars from that time are still there. The big difference, however, is that I am working towards being more comfortable with my skin every day. If you’re struggling with acne, I want you to know that you are not lazy or unhygienic or undesirable. Acne is a normal part of life, in spite of what social media might say. Everyone is beautiful, acne or not, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to tell yourself that until you believe it.