If I had known that heartbreak would be so painful in so many ways, I would’ve stayed single. But honestly, my first heartbreak was bound to happen, and my personal philosophy is that everything happens for a reason. Though breakups are the absolute worst, I learned so much about myself and have grown from it. Let me take you through the timeline of losing my breakup virginity.
Of course, the first part is the breakup and let me tell you, I went through all the stages of grief in the span of three hours. I didn’t know that getting broken up with could invoke physical effects, so that was a surprise for sure! I was shocked, in pain and mostly indescribably sad. I was inconsolably, completely shattered and lost. My best friends knew what was happening so they went to the store and got me all my favorite candy, snacks, ice cream and a stuffed animal. Never have I been showered in gifts like that, and I was so beyond grateful for their support and empathy. I needed them so much and they delivered. If they weren’t there for me after I was broken up with, I don’t know what I would’ve done.
The following days were filled with a pain I have never felt before. For six days straight it was horrible. I couldn’t eat. I was constantly crying. Nothing my friends would do to try to cheer me up was working. I wasn’t able to sleep and woke up multiple times a night because of the physical sadness I was feeling. I went to Taylorfest, a celebration and dance party for Taylor Swift’s music, and even at a place that should make me happier than ever, I was uncontrollably sobbing.
The advice I got in those six days I took to heart and followed strictly. Some advice was to let myself feel all the sadness, which I did very well. When a wave of sadness would come, I would feel it full force and let myself cry it all out, and once I was done, I would tell myself it is going to get better and try to distract myself. Another piece of advice I followed was to take it one day at a time. Personally, I am someone who thinks about the future constantly to the point it hinders me from living in the present. I would say to myself, “Lily you don’t know what’s going to happen in a day, a week, a month and a year. So focus on today and each day you will feel better.” Lastly, I wrote myself a list of affirmations I would read over and over again. Whenever I would start to feel overwhelmed with the sadness I was feeling, I would pick up that piece of paper and read it over and over again until I felt okay. It was a mantra I would carry throughout my day and repeat it in my head all day because I wanted to convince myself to believe all the affirmations, and it worked.
All I wanted to do was heal and not feel this overwhelming sadness, so all the advice I had accumulated I stuck to, and I worked every single day to heal. After six excruciating days, I started to feel okay. The sixth day I didn’t go to sleep sad or wake up with this pain in my chest. From the sixth day until now every day has gotten better, every day gets significantly easier. I haven’t cried about him since then, and my sadness about the breakup is barely there anymore. Of course, some moments are harder than others, but because I forced myself to heal right away, I am not consumed by negative emotions. Instead, I take it in waves and remind myself that it does get better, it will continually get easier, and this experience has made me grow.