When I started college four years ago, I dreamed of having the perfect roommate experience. I couldn’t wait to have a built-in best friend whose twin XL bed was only a few feet away from mine. I was ready to find the Rachel to my Monica, the Paris to my Rory, the Serena to my Blair.
Instead, I found a group of girls who practically forced me out of our dorm room within the first week of classes. My dreams of living with my own personal girl gang were dashed, and I wound up in a single with three other girls who I knew even less than my previous roommates.
Since my freshman year, I’ve had much better roommates and have learned something new about how to live with others from each of them. Here are my tips for navigating awkward living situations and becoming a better roommate.
- Sometimes it’s best to walk away.
As I mentioned earlier, my freshman year suitemates did not want me to live with them. Initially, they said it was because they were worried I’d give them COVID since I planned to go home so much. However, they ended up bullying another one of my roommates out of the room, and, apparently, they then bragged to other people about having “an extra room.” Despite all the stress that they caused me in the first week of school, this conflict resulted in me getting my own single room instead of sharing with another person, which was ideal because I was at risk for COVID. Plus, it was pretty satisfying to watch the look on my old roommates’ faces when I packed up the shower curtain I’d bought for the suite. It worked out for the best because I realized that we would never be able to live together, and I wasn’t afraid to walk away. Just like any other relationship, if you and your roommates are not meant to be together, LEAVE!
- You don’t have to be best friends with your roommates.
After leaving my first freshman year suite, I moved into a four-person suite with single bedrooms. I hoped that my new roommates would be my best friends—that karma would pull through. In the end, I barely saw them. We spent almost all of our time in the dorm in our individual rooms. However, we lived in harmony. There was no conflict at all; we never even fought over using the bathroom at the same time. These suitemates taught me that it’s okay to not come home to your best friends. Sometimes, just being able to get along is enough.
- The best roommates can be friends that you aren’t that close with… yet.
After my freshman year, I didn’t have many close friends in college yet, but luckily one friend I met in class and I decided to room together for the first semester before she went abroad. Then second semester, I roomed with a friend of a friend who I’d only met a few times. Both of these roommates were incredibly easy to live with, and I think the key was that we knew we got along but we weren’t overly comfortable with each other yet. Because we weren’t best friends yet, we didn’t want to irritate each other, so we tried extra hard to be good roommates. We helped each other clean, we were quiet when the other was sleeping and we always asked before having people over. When very close friends live together, they aren’t worried about pleasing each other and sometimes don’t put in as much effort. However, despite not knowing these girls too well when we moved in, we got closer the longer we lived together. By the end of the semester, we’d had movie marathons, knew each other’s embarrassing stories and had inside jokes that made us laugh until we cried. Even as we grew closer, we still stayed respectful of each other and maintained good roommate habits.
- It’s important to set boundaries with your roommates when they are dating.
My junior year, I went on to live with two of my close friends. And their significant others. Even though I liked who my roommates were dating, it was incredibly frustrating to come back home after a long day expecting to watch a new “White Lotus” episode only to find some random person sitting on my couch. Using my HBO Max account! Just having extra people using my kitchen, living room and bathroom caused a lot of stress, and I felt like I couldn’t relax in my own space. I didn’t know how to have a conversation with my roommates about it without offending them or making it sound like I hated who they were dating. Months later, I found out that my roommates actually felt just as crowded and stressed as I did. If I could go back, I would have a conversation with them about how claustrophobic I felt and how I needed more time when it was just the three of us in the apartment. You never know how your roommate may treat their significant other: they may give them a key to your apartment, let them have access to everyone’s food, let them do their laundry at your apartment or who knows what else. It’s best to set boundaries and expectations early on instead of biting your tongue for a whole year.
- Your best friends from high school can make the best roommates.
One of my closest friends from high school ended up going to SLU, and we considered living together our freshman year. However, all of our friends and family warned us against it, telling us stories of high school best friends who lived together and ended up hating each other by the end of it. We didn’t live together for freshman or sophomore year, but we’ve now lived together for two years. Initially, I had lingering fears that living together would ruin our friendship, but we have such open and honest conversations, and we’ve been able to squash any conflict or issues that we’ve had with each other. Typically, we live together peacefully, lying around our apartment, gossiping and watching reality TV. When we do have conflict, we call each other out on things without being overly aggressive. We remember that even if the other is being too loud, didn’t do their dishes or is otherwise being annoying, it’s not worth snapping at each other over. A kind but firm reminder or conversation will always be the most effective way to solve an issue. At the end of the day, we value our friendship over any petty roommate drama.
- Getting a random roommate might not be the nightmare you expect it to be.
For my senior year I decided to live with my best friend from high school again, and we planned to have another friend be our third roommate. However, once we’d signed up for a triple on-campus apartment, they ended up deciding to live elsewhere. Consequently, we were stuck in a triple with an ominous random roommate. All summer, we worried that we would have to spend our senior year living the messiest, meanest, smelliest, loudest monster of a roommate known to mankind. We were still skeptical even after we met her on move-in day and she proved to be seemingly normal. It wasn’t until we all got dinner together that we realized we’d hit the roommate jackpot. Our random roommate met us with more kindness and openness than I’ve received from almost anyone I’d met in college. She wanted to learn all about us and was more than willing to answer any questions we had about her. She had more reason to be nervous than my friend and I were, since she was getting two random roommates, and she still chose to be optimistic and welcoming. Since that first night, we’ve been three peas in a pod, and this year has been the complete opposite of the nightmare that I expected it to be. I learned from my random roommate, and now close friend, to always give roommates a chance and not make assumptions before you’ve even met them.
Every roommate you have is going to be different, and no roommate is going to be absolutely perfect. You may not be best friends with your roommates, or they could be your closest friend in the world, but regardless, you should feel comfortable and happy in your living space. If you meet your roommates with openness, respect and honesty, you can find a way to make the best of your living situation.