A year ago I wrote a reflection on what it was like for me to be a freshman in college during a pandemic. Looking back on that piece now is odd because I barely recognize the person who wrote it. I’m in a significantly different place than I was last year. The whole world is in a significantly different place than it was last year. This was the first year that I got close to a normal college experience, but it’s hard to not still grieve everything I missed out on in my first year. When I came back to SLU in the fall, the bar was low. It wasn’t going to take much for this year to be better than the last. I could have never imagined how much better it would be. There were countless times that I thought to myself, “Wait, this was how it was supposed to be the whole time?” So, since I’m mourning the end of what has been one of the greatest years of my life and coping with the fact that I won’t be a few floors away from my best friends in a week, I thought that I would write a second reflection for my sophomore year.
Be Patient
I am not a patient person so I don’t know why this is one of my lessons from the last year, but somehow it is. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. When I got to college, I thought that I would meet my best friend in the first week of classes like it was kindergarten. That was definitely not the case. I did actually meet my best friend on the first day of classes, but I don’t remember meeting her. At that point, all I knew about her was that we had the same major and that she lived on my floor. It wasn’t until this year, after having three classes together, that we became friends. I would wait that year again in a heartbeat just to have Meghan now.
Don’t Overthink Everything
This is another lesson that I definitely don’t follow all of the time. I am a big overthinker. If there is even a possibility that something might happen, I have already overthought it. I’m learning that sometimes the best things happen when you’re not thinking. It is true that something might not end well, but there’s a chance that it will. That chance can be worth it. It’s okay to just do something and not care about the consequences. That leads me to my next lesson…
Mistakes Make You Human
No one makes decisions that they are 100% of the time proud of. There was a moment first semester when I was breaking down to a friend over Facetime just thinking to myself, “How was I so stupid?” Once the tears had finally stopped, I paused and said, “I’m only 19.” Your brain is not fully developed until you’re 25, so you’re going to make decisions that might not end well for you and that’s okay. It’s these mistakes that help you to grow.
Sometimes Hard Moments Bring You the Greatest Gifts.
I can’t say that this entire year has been smooth sailing, and there were definitely moments when I found myself sobbing on my bathroom floor. But it’s the people who pick you up off of that bathroom floor, metaphorically or physically, in your lowest moments who matter the most. Had those hard times never happened, I might not be in the same place right now. I might not have the same friends. I definitely would not be the same person.
Start a Quote List
If I have learned anything this year, it has been the incredible gift that is the iPhone Notes App. From grocery lists to overly dramatic poetry, my Notes App has it all. The most special of these notes is a list of quotes that my friends have said in my presence. Most of them are funny, like when one of my friends distraughtly asked us to play “Frozen.” One quote was said by me while Meghan and I watched “Gnomeo and Juliet,” just casual Wednesday night behavior. I paused the movie and looked at her and said, “I am simultaneously the happiest I have ever been but also the saddest.”
I have found it difficult to fathom my happiness in the midst of a world that seems to be crumbling around us. How can the best year of my life be happening at the same time as such a tragic part of human history? There is still a pandemic and now a war in Europe. Climate change is terrifying and it seems like every day something else goes wrong. The world is stuck in a cycle of heartbreak, but somehow through it all, I can find joy. Learning to leave space for both of those emotions is what I’ve taken the most from this year.
