For most college students, Thanksgiving is the first real break where we collegiettes can go home, spend time with our families, and finally be reunited with our high school friends. We dream about the turkey, stuffing and family traditions. While this is usually an exciting time, it can be rough on relationships. For some long-distance couples, Thanksgiving break is going to be their demise.
Lots of high school sweethearts head to separate colleges with aspirations of making it through all four years, getting married, and living happily ever after. For some, they take it day-by-day, hoping just to stick together. These aspirations unfortunately don’t always work out. Whether one person in the relationship just isn’t feeling it anymore or both feel it’s time to call it quits, Thanksgiving break tends to be first time when the couple can be face-to-face again and break it off.
This phenomenon is commonly referred to as the “turkey dump.” Whether you’re on the giving end or the receiving end (a.k.a the dumper or the dumpee), the situation is difficult either way. Don’t worry, though; HC is here to offer a few words of wisdom to help make the process a little smoother.
For the dumper:
Whether you’ve been dating for four months or four years, no amount of time is the determinant of how to dump someone. At some point, you clearly valued them as an important person in your life. Despite your feelings for them now (or lack thereof), being as gentle and clear as possible is the only way to walk away with some chance at ending things on the right foot (or ever being friends).
You should tell the other person how you’re feeling, but there’s no reason to do it with anger. In no way is this situation easy, but by being rude, you’re only making it worse for the both of you. Explain to them how and why you’re feeling the way you are. Make sure to be completely honest. There’s nothing worse than finding out later that the person you were with lied to you.
Are Skype sessions not enough to keep the romance alive? Has communication dwindled? Are you interested in seeing other people? Do you need some time to be on your own? Whatever the reason, don’t be afraid to explain it. Just don’t go into extra details that you know will be painful for your partner (i.e., your crush on that cutie in your psych class).
Once things are out in the open, you both need to agree on what comes after the break-up. Are you going to be friends? Do you need space? Don’t just break it off and leave it at that. If you ever want to reconnect later, not having any ground rules will make things awkward and complicated… especially if you share the same friends back home.
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For the dumpee:
Bottom line, you’re going to be heartbroken. As difficult as that may be to hear, it’s the truth. Being dumped sucks, and the way you can control the situation is how you handle it afterwards. No one to be that crazy ex who badmouths, stalks, or still texts and calls their dumper way too often. It’s not easy being on the receiving end of a break-up, but acting like an angry clinger is certainly not going to help.
Take some time for yourself and do things you had always wanted to do (but hadn’t had time for while in a relationship). Get your friends together and go have fun. Maybe you need some alone time, and that is totally understandable, but make sure not to shut your friends out in the process. Remember, they weren’t the ones that broke it off with you. While it may feel like the world is ending, we promise you it’s not. Over time the sadness and hurt will wash away, and you want to make sure your friends are still by your side when the storm subsides.
Although you may not see it now, this break-up might be a good thing. It can give you the space to find new perspectives in life, and it will make you stronger. The possibilities are endless. Don’t be afraid to try new things and start a new chapter in your life; make it a positive, uplifting one. This is a chance to take control of your life, discover who you are as an individual, and really go after what you want. (Take a look at our list of Skidmore Campus Cuties for some rebound inspiration!)
For some “I’m sorry” or “I’ve been turkey dumped” e-cards, check out this link.
p.s. If you need a good laugh, scroll or click through the whole website.
Have you ever experienced the turkey dump? Tell us how you avoided or survived it in the comments!