A few short weeks ago, I met a cute boy with a dazzling smile, who just so happened to be funny too (total package). Interested in this rare specimen of the male gender, I engaged in playful sarcastic banter with… let’s call him… “Charming”. To my surprise, Charming could not only keep up with me, but even more startling, he was able to catch me off guard and send me into a fit of laughter. After ending the night with a smooch or two, I thought I’d never see Charming again. But that was okay, because once again I had hope in humanity! There are nice, cute, funny boys out there! Hallelujah!!
Now we’ll fast forward to three-ish weeks later. After texting, Snapchatting, and even a sober hangout (which, if I do say so myself, is MONUMENTAL this day in age)—Charming and I saw each other out again. It felt good to spend time with someone while being entirely myself and not having to put on the classic facade of “why-yes-I-am-the-chillest-girl-ever-and-no-I-don’t-poop.” Soon enough, as expected, the bound-to-happen shit hit the fan when *now not so* Charming sent a seemingly harmless text. “haha girls expect too much”. Girls. Expect. Too. Much. Hmm. Over the next few days I pondered these words and came up with the conclusion that he was actually very wrong; and I could prove it.
DETAILS TO MY FINDINGS:
1. Yes, okay I get it, some naïve high school girls probably do expect too much from their very first boyfriend; however, that doesn’t count as they are just beginning to learn. There are still a few toads that they need to kiss before becoming a wise 20-something-year-old.
2. The expectations that will soon be talked about do not include unreasonable expectations—like expecting your boyfriend to take a spontaneous vacay with you to Hawaii because, ugh, you’ve just had it with this cold weather! No, we’re going to get as realistic as possible here.
Being of the female origin, most of us are introduced to the world of princesses and true love basically straight out of the womb—only to have “rom-coms” deepen our romantic thoughts as we grow up. Yes, it is extremely silly to think my shoe will fall off and ultimately leave my Prince with the task of finding my cute-footed self. Yet, the hopeless romantic in me still believes that it is realistic for us women to understand that we deserve to at least be someone’s “something” here and there in this familiar hazy reality of dating and relationships.
Love at first sight is becoming less and less realistic as we conquer the streets of Manayunk. Instead, love after four tequila shots is becoming our reality (not that I mind… tequila is nectar from the gods) but just because the story starts this way, doesn’t mean we have to think we only deserve just a fun time at a bar and that’s it. Plenty of those nights will happen where we will laugh, dance, and meet cute versions of “Charming”. If by some chance we click with someone and we somehow make it to the ridiculous milestone of sober hangouts then why shouldn’t we expect to be treated decently? Now it would be crazy to rush things and think Charming is going to pop the big question, but thinking “He’s nice and I would totally like to see him again” and then expecting him to feel the same in return is not crazy at all. There are definitely different stages of liking these so called “boys” and each stage comes with its very own blurred lines; but there should never be a second during any of these stages where we should think that we deserve to be treated with anything less than kind words and warm hearts.
Charming’s words keep ringing in my head. Silly girls, expecting wayyyyy toooo much. Well you know what, Charming? You, your closed mind, and condescending thoughts can G.T.F.O because there is nothing wrong with expecting a text message that isn’t being sent during the time frame of 9pm-2am, Thursday-Saturday. There is also nothing wrong with expecting to have an actually brain-stimulating conversation when hanging out. Charming, maybe you need to lower your expectations of girls actually taking your crap. Frankly I’ve done that song and dance, and there is nothing I hate more than an overplayed song.
Between studying for exams and binge watching Entourage, I am in the middle of reading Lena Dunham’s book “Not That Kind of Girl”. Being a fan of Lena and her humor, I picked up the book to read over spring break and it has done nothing but give me confidence boost after confidence boost (aka read the book ASAP). In the “Love & Sex” section of her book, Lena talks of the different types of people she has shared a bed with—ranging everywhere from her little sister when she was younger to guys in and after college. To conclude her findings of bed sharing, Lena sums up who it is okay to share a bed with and who it isn’t (something I’ve never thought too much about in depth). She says to not share a bed with a guy “who doesn’t make you feel like sharing a bed is the coziest and most sensual activity they could possibly be undertaking”. Round of applause for Lena everyone, because in one simple sentence she just made dating that much easier for us to comprehend. We deserve to expect whoever we decide to snuggle with to make it feel exactly as Lena described; not for it to feel like we deserve to be awkwardly on the edge of the bed unsure if we should put an arm around the person sleeping next to us.
At the end of the day, sometimes we don’t think that we deserve some of the most simple and natural things when it comes to interacting with a love interest. We deserve to be respected, talked to like the intelligent women we are, and appreciated for what makes us “us”. Not only does all of this just go with how gals should be treated, but it should be reciprocated with how we treat guys. There’s some good ones out there (believe it or not) and they deserve to expect to be treated the same way we do. Ultimately, respect isn’t just given out freely—it is earned. After much thought, I realized that as a human being, I would much rather have someone expect kind and great things from me than nothing at all.