Among the countless viral trends on Tiktok, there is nothing more infamous than the Pick Me girl phenomenon. The hashtag Pickmegirl has over 1.1 billion views. While the Tiktok trend may be for pure entertainment, in reality, it is another toxic label to separate women from one another and shame them for their interests with the assumption that they are hoping for male validation.
What is a Pick Me Girl?
Urban Dictionary best defines a pick me the girl as a girl who goes out of their way to impress males and make themselves seem that they are “not like other girls.” She creates an identity by separating herself from activities that are considered traditionally feminine and partaking in more masculine hobbies. With the hopes of gaining male approval, she holds herself differently from the conventional female. These Pick Me girls purely exist because, at a young age, we are taught to appeal to the male gaze. As women enter the dynamics of society, they are told to dress a certain way, provide nurture, and act gracefully to be considered normal. Those who don’t follow societal norms appear as negative examples, which leads to the label of the Pick Me girl.
Almost any behavior on Tiktok can be considered a Pick Me, whether it is voluntary or not. For example, being short, enjoying sports, or even wearing a leg brace in public will set off this narrative. Those who feel attacked by a Tiktok creator’s content will react by commenting with insults like “She’s not like other girls” or “Did he pick you yet?”
Pick Me girls still face internalized misogyny. Hating them will only encourage them to further themselves away from the female community. It is important to remember that these women are still living in a patriarchal society, whether they are aware or not. The mentality of a Pick Me girl views male approval as a prize, and so if we teach girls to reimagine the prize as friendships, careers, and hobbies, it will encourage them to brighten their inner qualities and potential! It is not easy changing one’s mindset, especially when they are living to society’s male-centric standards. But, instead of mocking their behaviors, it is more counterproductive to offer empathy, perspective, and patience to support one another.
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