Active listening is a valuable skill to develop for building more intimate and closer relationships in our lives. When you practice listening, you make yourself present in the conversation and allow the speaker to feel heard and validated. By being engaged in the conversation, you are demonstrating to the other person that you are someone who they can trust and someone that is there to offer support. Active listening can allow you to gain a better understanding of the other person’s perspective and allows you to respond with empathy. It is a skill that takes time to practice through each conversation we have. Here are some key aspects of active listening you can practice to improve your listening skills and respond with greater empathy.
1. Pay attention to what is being said.
Try to maintain eye contact with the speaker and other non-verbal cues to show that you are paying attention. Nonverbal cues include body language like facing towards them and nodding every so often to affirm what they are saying. However, make sure to not overdo this or it may feel uncomfortable. Being present and paying attention conveys to the other person that you care about what they are saying.
2. Try to not interrupt the speaker.
Although sometimes we may find it tempting to jump into the conversation, we must practice holding ourselves back and waiting for the speaker to finish speaking their thoughts. Try to focus on listening, rather than doing the majority of the talking. When responding, do not direct the conversation and attention back to yourself.
3. Paraphrase and ask clarifying questions for understanding.
Restating what the person said demonstrates that you have an understanding of what they are saying and how the situation impacts their feelings. For example, you could say, “If I’m understanding you correctly, it sounds like… is that correct?” Sometimes, we may be confused and not fully understand the situation, and that is ok. When something is unclear to you, you can ask for clarification to better understand their perspective. You could say, “Can you tell me more about…?” Asking open-ended and clarifying questions can help expand the discussion and allow for a better understanding of the situation.
4. Be open-minded and validate their feelings.
Another important part of being an active listener is to be open-minded to other perspectives. Try your best to listen without judgment or jumping to conclusions. Validating their feelings by saying things such as, “I understand how that would…” or “I would have done the same” allow the speaker to feel like they are not alone. Validating is empathizing with them and affirming that their feelings are valued and valid.