Breakups suck. When you unexpectedly get broken up with someone you’ve been dating for a long time, it sucks even more. Some days you feel like you’ll never get through it, but I’m here to tell you that you absolutely will. Here are just a few of the ways you can cope and get through this difficult time.
Lean on your friends
Losing a significant other that you’ve been with for a long time can feel like losing your best friend. Someone who was such a big part of your life suddenly isn’t anymore, and the absence can be physically painful. It is during this time that leaning on your friends is super important. While my heart was aching, I did learn to be grateful for my friends who I could always count on to help me feel better. Whether you want someone to lend an ear or would rather talk about literally anything but your ex, spend time with your friends. It can be very easy to isolate yourself during this time, but trust me, you’ll feel significantly better once you’re surrounded by friends watching your favorite mind-numbing tv show.
Delete their number
I’m a very emotional person, and I when I get invested I am in it for the long haul. When I got broken up with, I knew that staying in touch would be too painful. Before deciding to stay friends, think about what you need, not what you want. It will be much easier to heal and get over your ex if you aren’t talking to them every day.
Block them on social media
This goes in the same vein as the above point. If you’ve decided to get some distance from your ex, which can be great for healing, try your best not to stalk their socials. Seeing your ex changing their Tinder bio or deleting their Instagram photos of you won’t help you move on.
Pick up a new hobby
There’s nothing like trying a new hobby to distract yourself! Not only is it great toward the beginning, when you are particularly in need of distraction, but it is also scientifically proven to help! Learning a new skill can help with the release of the neurotransmitters associated with pleasure and reward. It can help you feel both productive and accomplished without your ex. Honestly, I credit aerial yoga with getting me through my breakup.
Exercise
I know. The last thing you might want to do is work out. However, exercising releases endorphins that make you feel good. Not only will it help you stay healthy, it will make you happier! You can start with something simple, like going for a short walk. Get your blood pumping, and try to get out of bed every once in a while.
Exercise healthy coping mechanisms
Are you coping in a healthy way? Going out for a drink with friends after a breakup is normal, but doing it every night probably isn’t healthy. Keep yourself in check, or ask a friend to. Don’t fall into the trap of distraction for too long. Yes, a little distraction is good. But too much, and you might be avoiding the situation, and that’ll only make it worse in the long run. Remember to feel your emotions. It’s not going to be fun, but pushing down your feelings will just make them come out later when you don’t expect it.
Channel your impulses
Yes, I did have the impulse to dye my hair after my breakup. Did I? No. I felt the impulse to do something adventurous and daring, and I channeled it into something positive. It sounds weird, but I took up aerial yoga. I am terrified of heights and being upside-down, and channeled my impulsiveness into facing my fears instead of doing something I might regret (like getting bangs again). If you’re feeling particularly impulsive, take note of that, and try to channel that into something positive.
Journal
I swear, it helps. Sometimes, all of the emotions can be overwhelming. Writing it down can help it feel less so. There is something therapeutic about pouring your thoughts into writing. It’s as if you’re taking them out of your brain and instead putting them onto paper. Whatever you do, don’t bottle up your emotions. Try writing them down, and you might be surprised by the revelations you have.
Don’t try to start dating again too fast
I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic, so suddenly being in a position where I not only wasn’t in a relationship but wasn’t actively looking for one felt foreign. After a long-term breakup, it’s easy to want to recreate what you had with someone else, but it’s more important to wait until the idea of being alone isn’t a bad one. Take advantage of being single, and figure out what you really want. Sometimes it’s not what you expect.
The most important thing is to learn from your relationship. Did your ex help you become more ambitious? Did they challenge you to learn to compromise? Did they help you realize everything you didn’t want in a relationship? Take note of that. People are in our lives for a reason, and while it may be hard to let someone go, remember the good times and learn from the bad. It’s not the end of the world and this might just lead you to something even better down the road.