This is going to be one of those not-so-cutesie articles about making friends in college.
You always see plenty of articles that talk about the importance of maintaining your college friends, but none of them dive into what happens after you realize you’re just not with the right crowd. Freshman year of college is the first taste of freedom and independence you have. You befriend the girl next door, those people you met in Saga, that kid from your FYSM class. You’re in such a rush to start making college memories that you aren’t always picking the best people to create them with. Before you know it, you’re a senior whose friend group has gone into a complete downward spiral and you come to find that you had nothing in common with some of the people you spent the past 4 years with.
Toxic friends are always going to find their way into your life, but it’s up to you to identify them as soon as possible. College is four years, and there’s no time for you to be spending them with people who are just going to tear you down.
1. Be careful who you trust.
Not all friends are trustworthy. Let me repeat that: Not. All. Friends. Are. Trustworthy. You can have a swell time whenever you hang out with a particular friend/group, but that doesn’t mean that they are capable of keeping your secrets hidden. Unfortunately, I didn’t figure this out the easy way. Learn where to draw the line of things you share with certain people and things you keep to yourself. It’ll take time – it’s a learning process. In time, it will become apparent as to who is really there for you, and will have your back no matter what.
2. Nothing lasts forever.
I had a friend once tell me that they weren’t planning on keeping any of their friends after we all graduated. This certainly put things into perspective for me. As someone who has even put forth the effort to meet up with old friends from elementary school, it blew my mind that someone wouldn’t care about the friends that they made during their time at college once they left. Not all “friends” are made to last, and it is ultimately up to you whether you’re willing to accept the fact that they may not.
3. The hardest step to take is to walk away, but once you do, it’s amazing.
It may seem hard to take a step back, evaluate the situation you are in, and walk away if it is an unhealthy one – that’s because it is. You may have some FOMO, and that’s a natural feeling. You may be nostalgic about the happy times – that’s inevitable. But when the cons outweigh the pros, it’s time to get yourself together and walk away. You might feel lonely, or like a huge part of you is missing, but nothing compares to feeling completely free of toxicity. In time, you will make new friends, adopt new hobbies, and fill the void in your heart once again.
4. Don’t stay in something that isn’t adding positivity to your life. Don’t settle for anything less than great.
Don’t ever feel obligated to maintain friendships simply because you’ve been friends for a certain amount of time, or because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. The only person who you are hurting by staying is yourself. You have to stop prioritizing others and put yourself first because at the end of the day, you are all that you have. Your happiness and health are the most important things. College is a very stressful time, so surround yourself with positive people that’ll make your experience all the more rewarding.
5. If your gut feeling is telling you that something is wrong, it probably is and you should stop.
I can’t tell you how many times peer pressure has been a factor in many of my choices in college – even for the smallest things, such as neglecting to study for an exam you’re confident you’re going to fail. Compromising your morals or engaging in behavior that is unlike you isn’t healthy. Yes, college is the time to put yourself out there and take risks, but if these risks are negatively impacting your wellbeing or schoolwork it isn’t worth it. Trust your instincts and listen to your conscience.
6. No relationship is worth maintaining if you feel more stressed than happy.
Yes, friendships are work, but if you are arguing or fretting over petty things more than enjoying yourself it is not worth it. Not all of the people you meet in college are going to be your best friends. College is stressful enough, so there’s no need to keep friendships that only increase this stress. If you see this happening, move on from it and find people with similar mindsets to yours.
7. Birds of a feather flock together.
Although not all friends are exactly alike, this quote consistently proves its accuracy. Friendships are based on some common ground, and every friend you have brings out a different side of you – whether it be good or bad. You have to ask yourself, is this who you really are? Is this who you want to be? Do you want this quality to represent you as a whole? If the answer is no, you might want to reevaluate the things you value, how this relationship makes you act, and what the friendship brings into your life.
8. If they don’t support the things you do, drop them like a hot potato.
You need people that are going to build you up and be there every step of the way. A true friend is someone who will make time to come and see you perform in the school’s musical, or will sit on the bleachers and cheer you on during your toughest game of the season. If they’re only friends with you when it’s convenient for them, they aren’t true friends. Get rid of them. It’s only going to disappoint you more if you keep holding onto people who don’t care about the things that are most important to you. You deserve much more than half effort.
9. There is always still time to make new friends.
I am a senior in college and I am living proof that there is still time to make new friends. Since this school year started, I have become good friends with a handful of people that I didn’t even realize attended this school. It’s as easy as sitting next to someone in class that you’ve seen around campus, or joining a new club/activity. Even though I wish I had made some of these friends earlier on in my college career, I am nonetheless happy that I eventually did. College is the time to discover yourself, your passions and make friendships that will last a lifetime. There is nothing holding you back from the person you want to become.