As someone who is extremely awkward and shy, dating has never really been my forte. I could never tell if someone was flirting with me and my overall experience was…marginal at best. So, at the suggestion of a friend, I decided to try online dating. I’ve been using apps for a year now in the hopes of making a connection with someone, but things don’t always work as planned. Instead, I got a lot of experience I probably sorely needed.
When I first downloaded the app, my two roommates were also in the room and helped me make a profile. I was nervous about what to include. Do I say that I’m a huge nerd who loves video games? Which pictures do I include? Should I be worried that my age is one year off? The app went through my Facebook profile and, at the time I registered for that site oh so long ago, I had to say I was one year older. Well, they helped me pick out some photos that I looked good in and told me it was alright to say what I was interested in. You don’t want to give someone the wrong impression. However, it is important to note that having certain interests attracts different types of people, which means there are different red flags to watch out for. I’ll get to that later though.
My first match was with a guy who took almost the full 24 hours to respond, which I wasn’t really too concerned with. It was late on a weeknight and I was just excited that someone had actually thought I was good enough to swipe right on to care. I also didn’t continue going through the app after I made a match because I get really nervous about talking to too many people at once. Now, once he did respond, I waited until I could ask someone about what to say. Did I know what to do? No. I thought it was better to always ask. Well, after I responded, I had to wait a whole day for him to respond back. Yeah, I started to get a feeling this wasn’t going to go anywhere. Not that I demand someone respond immediately, but a whole day is kind of pushing it. Eventually, he never responded back and I just cut my losses and moved on.
Well, after that it was a series of matches that just never talked to me. I slowly learned what to look for in someone’s pics that were red flags or just sketchy in general. Sometimes, it’s obvious. If there’s only one super bad photo I’m not going to swipe. If there’s photos with other girls, I get a little wary, especially if it’s a more intimate photo. Your profile means a lot on these apps. Unlike meeting someone in real life, or even doing speed dating, the person decides to either like or dislike you based on the limited details you’re able to give so you have to make a good impression. It helps to state who you are and what you’re looking for. Have photos that you love and are accurate to what you look like now on there. Sometimes, it even helps if the photo has a little info about you in it, such as a photo of you at your favorite place. That way you’re making the most of what you can tell people.
It’s important to not immediately jump into in-person dating when using these types of things. Get to know someone. When a guy finally started talking to me on the app I was using, we had conversations about our interests and just basically got to know each other. It was a few weeks before we went on our first date. Not only did it help ease the awkwardness of the first meet-up, but it also allowed me to see if I really did want to meet with the guy in the first place. The way the conversations went, how he reacted to certain topics, helped me see what type of person he was.
Now, I don’t have a car on campus. When we finally went on our date, we went to the Whistling Kettle in Troy. It was a place where we could leave quickly if things went bad, but it was still a very relaxed place. My friends drove me there and stayed just in case something went horribly wrong. When meeting with anyone online you should probably always check in with someone or have someone with you. That’s probably pretty standard in this day and age, but it’s a good reminder. You never know if you’re going to need a quick escape or an excuse to leave either. Gif Source
Unfortunately, it didn’t last with this guy either and I kind of stayed off the app for a while after that. I tried a little bit to get back into it before the school year ended, but that guy just stopped talking to me altogether, after very little communication to begin with. His loss. So I went home for the summer and really didn’t pick back up until a little bit in. I started talking to a guy on the app, he asked me to go out, then when I didn’t want to go over to his house and watch Netflix on the first date, something suddenly came up and we couldn’t hang out. Yeah, he just wanted a hookup that I wasn’t interested in. He tried to message me again, but I really wasn’t interested and I told him that. Don’t be afraid to say that you’re not interested in just a hookup. Online dating has kind of become that kind of culture, but it doesn’t have to be your experience.
After that, I took another break…then my family got involved in my dating life. NEVER let your family get involved in your dating life.
My cousin took my phone, said I needed to date older men for some reason and went on a swipe right spree. Oh boy. So, I know about certain red flags that she didn’t at the time. Particularly, when you’re dealing with boys who claim to be geeks or nerds or gamers, you have to watch in their descriptions or pictures for certain things. Particularly, if a guy claims to be a geek who loves to talk politics right in his description, be very cautious. You could have a guy really into American politics…or you could have a guy who thinks all your political opinions are wrong because you’re a woman. This one guy literally opened the conversation with me about how he couldn’t find many girls like me and how hard it was for him to find a girlfriend. Statistically speaking, women ages 18-24 make up a majority of the people playing games, so there’s that. Plus, complaining about how you can’t find a girlfriend is a turnoff in any conversation.
Other than that, I had a few dates with different guys. A lot of them were kind of awkward because I found that, with the older guys, I was just in a different place in life; I don’t know where I’m going after I graduate this year. I didn’t want to enter into anything and have to go back to school either.
My advice is to go at your own pace and be cautious when it comes to online dating or dating apps. I’ve also started branching out from just using one. Maybe I’ll find someone on one, but who knows? Always keep your mind open!