Break-ups are hard, believe me, I’ve been through my fair share already at the prime age of 19. As an early bloomer in this department, I had to go through most of them alone. Thus, I would consider myself pretty knowledgeable in this topic. Luckily, many of us have an incredible support group to go to (friends, family, pets, pillows, etc).
**Disclaimer** The more significant the person was to you and a bigger part of your life they were, the longer it may take to get over him/her/them. Each person has his or her own process, these are my suggestions. However, there is also unhealthy ways to go about the process. Do not let this instance take over your life. They weren’t the one if they could hurt you so badly. There are other fish in the sea. And if you’re convinced they are the only person in the world for you, wait a bit, relax, then fix it. Don’t go after them if you’re angry or upset. It won’t end well. And most importantly, don’t you dare let their rejection of you affect how you see yourself. You are strong. You are lovable. They don’t deserve you.
Here are 3 (not so easy) steps to soar after a breakup:
Wallow
Cry. Eat junk food all day. Feel bad for yourself. You have 0-72hrs for this process. no more. Only the extent of a weekend. LET IT OUT. Scream. Whatever it is you need to do to be alive. Invite your friends over for a sleepover. Vent to your loved ones about what happened.
Write/Talk it Out
The next step (after wallowing for a weekend), is to physically/mentally/spiritually/emotionally be okay. Keep a journal if you are the kind of person to get overwhelmed by thoughts. Express your discomfort and anger in words to the pages of your notebook, OR to friends/family. Ask your loved ones about the relationship. What went wrong? Was it healthy? Learn from your experiences with that person so that it was worth it. Grow as a human being. Maybe your significant other has taught you things about religion, passions, or lifestyles that are different from your own. Maybe your significant other, in retrospect, was so awful to you that you now know how you DON’T want to be treated, or what you DON’T like in others. Either way, your experience with that person helped you understand yourself better. If you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, don’t worry, it’ll come.
Exert the angry/sadness healthily
It can be weeks, months, or years after a breakup and you will still get angry if you see/hear about your ex. THAT’S OKAY. Deal with those feelings healthily. Personally, I’ve found exercising helps me exert the excess energy. I go for runs off-campus, or try to have a yoga practice if I can find privacy. If that’s not for you, do something you love. Read for fun. Hangout with friends. Draw. Play a sport. Watch a movie. Make yourself a proactive, productive human being. Make yourself someone you’re proud of and happy with. Create your own happiness, do not wait for the “right” person to bring it to you. Plus, if you’re happy without your ex, they will probably see that and get super jealous and regret their decision to end the relationship (added bonus!).
Obviously, these are all easier said than done. I am still working on mastering them as well. Overall, find what works for you, but do it healthily. It’s okay to be single. Oftentimes it is better. It’s the only way to truly find who you are, to give yourself 100% of your own attention. You deserve it.