First dates can be extremely intimidating and I totally understand why: sitting with a complete stranger, trying to figure out your feelings about them, and also trying to make a good impression sounds like the perfect way to unsettle your nerves. Being nervous is a good sign because you understand how important the date is for yourself, but it’s when people can’t be themselves that nerves can do more harm than good. Not to mention, they almost always occur at restaurants, which I personally think are overrated locations for a first date.
By going to a restaurant, other than food preferences and eating etiquette, you don’t learn very much about your date. It seems very shallow because you’re just looking at them, listening, talking and eating. If you feel insecure about eating in front of new people or tend to make yourself sick with anxiety, going to a restaurant could feel like a nightmare. Instead, I suggest going to an arcade or an amusement park because there are activities for you and your date to do with no pressure to eat if you don’t feel like it. Places like the Rec Room in Amazing Brentwood or Playland are great options.
Also, by sitting and talking, it’s all very one dimensional. Instead of sitting at a dinner table awkwardly, glancing at your phone to avoid the silence, going out to do something (anything, really) can make the time spent together more memorable. I recommend doing an activity like playing pool or going bowling, because it’s easier to build trust when you’re working together like a team and up against competition. It’s also a great way to see them in action; you can see how they think, problem-solve or work collaboratively in a group dynamic and hey, you may even see how competitive they get. Better yet, you could always learn a new skill or two from them!
It can also be an excuse for you to try new things if you’ve never bowled or gone to play pool, and even if the relationship or date night doesn’t work out, you’ve experienced something you always wanted too.
Don’t get me wrong, I get why some people would still prefer a restaurant for a first date if they feel comfortable grabbing some food and simply talking. By all means, go grab drinks with that match from Bumble or Tinder if you feel the confidence to do so. I’m simply saying that by not wanting to go to a restaurant for the first date (which seems like the norm in the dating world), it doesn’t make you weird or different. No matter what you plan to do, as long as it’s consensual and you’re both interested, you will be nervous. The only advice I can give to you (to ease some of that anxiety) is to talk to your partner and voice your concerns. Typically I prefer texting but when it comes down to deciding which restaurant, I prefer talking to them over video call just so I can explain why I’d rather go out to do an activity instead of going to a restaurant.
Communication is key when telling your partner what you’re comfortable with and not, because they aren’t a mind-reader and they can’t help you if they don’t know; dating is a two sided road after all.