1. Denial
It’s only week 5, exams are months away. OMG IT’S WEEK 13 ALREADY!?!?
Denial is the first stage in which we completely ignore the concept of exams while it simmers in our subconscious, growing and festering like a deadly virus. Denial is effective because it keeps our minds completely blank and stress-free. Also, you know you have mastered lying when you can flawlessly convince yourself of anything.
2. Anger
Anger is perhaps the most important and freeing stage of our exam grief. It is the stage in which you can rant about things that are out of your control…and maybe even physically exert your frustration (punching bags optional).
3. Bargaining
If both exams are worth a billion percent each, what mark do I need to pass?
This is the stage at which your anger fades and gives way to resentment and grudging acceptance. We try to work our way through every loophole, as we inevitably procrastinate instead of studying. My favorite site this time of year is this grade calculator that tells me what I need on each exam or final paper to just pass the class, because really, who are we kidding?
4. Depression
This is my state throughout the entire semester, but most of us hit our absolute low point right after the last day of class. Drowning in chocolate, coffee, and sugar during all-nighters with tear-stained textbooks, the sole image that constantly plagues your mind is your GPA being annihilated on the SIS after exams, bringing about another bout of hysteria.
5. Acceptance
For me, this stage occurs at the beginning of the semester; I know what will bring about my demise. This is when I start looking for a McDonalds application, checking off “Full Time Employment”, and “Experience: None.” For all of you normal people, however, this probably happens the few minutes before exams when you realize how close you truly are to freedom. Netflix, Christmas, and New Years are the only things that will see you through…until next semester, that is!