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Ah yes, situationships are definitely something young women and men deal with constantly throughout their college years. I can even say I’ve been trapped in situationships and ended up hurt. It sucks and definitely takes a toll on our emotional well-being.

Situationships, according to Urban Dictionary, are any problematic relationship characterized by one or more unresolved, interpersonal conflicts. Usually confused with dating. In reality, these types of relationships are confusing and energy draining. Especially as a woman when you defiantly care about the other person. Many people report feeling like they are in love with the person but do not want to define the relationship due to fear. Fear of rejection or fear of actually committing to this person, perhaps because there are other people or issues that have not been resolved within themselves. Why do we tolerate this? Doesn’t everyone think we deserve to be happy with someone who is SURE about their feelings for us? Sometimes we are lured into this trap accidentally or without knowing until confronting the other person about defining the relationship seems like a police interrogation.

However, leaving this type of relationships may leave you with low self-esteem and some emotional baggage. Here are some signs to identify if you are in a situationship.

You Do Not Have a Title

You and the other party have been hanging out and having a good time together. It feels like you love it when they facetime you to talk about what they are doing, but neither of you have established feelings for each other, but you REALLY love spending time with them in private.

You Do Not Meet Each Other’s Friends

Being able to show your friends who you’ve been talking to is a huge step in any romantic/intimate relationship. Sometimes, you don’t even know what kind of friends the other party has. If you haven’t considered introducing your friends to them, you may be in a situationship.

Any Plans? 

Many times, when people are in a relationship, there are conversations of how the future might look like; whether it’s next month or five years from now. No thoughts about any kind of future for this person may indicate you are in a situationship.

You Unconsciously Decide You are Not Dating Anyone Else

Often times as women, we really focus on the potential a person has to be in a relationship with us. We want to invest time into really getting to know your significant other. Especially when deciding if we want to pursue a future with them romantically. You tend to not want to invest any time to more than one person. Sometimes, it is a trap and we enclose ourselves without commitment and when the other person decides to walk away, you’re broken.

Many times, women report staying in the situationship due to the sexual intimacy experienced with the other person. Sex is usually what keeps the complicated and intricate nature of the situation going. It’s okay. As human beings, we tend to get lonely. We crave intimate attention.  Often, being addicted to the sexual and physical aspects tend to be a short-term solution for our loneliness. 

Honestly, keep your standards strict. If you want a real relationship, do not settle being someone’s vice or Saturday night. As scary as it is, make sure you’re clear from the start. You can have any type of relationship you want as long as you are honest with what you want. If you want a real relationship, say that from the start. A simple question like “do you see me as your girlfriend or friend because I am looking for a relationship” can save you grief and heartbreak in the long run. Find out what they want too. See if it matches what you want. Finally, communicate A LOT! The key to any type of relationship is being able to communicate honestly about feelings and fears. Many times, people do change their opinions or feelings and keeping someone on string is just not cool.

If you find yourself in a situation (trust me, it happens), take some time to think through the criteria and reflect on what the intentions are. Remember, you deserve more than a situationship. 

aspiring counselor trying to heal the world. SFASU PSYCHOLOGY AND DRUG ADDICTION STUDIES
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