Spooky season is over and Thanksgiving is fast approaching. That means feelings of gratefulness, eating inordinate amounts of food and embracing all the family tea you can spill. Now if your family is anything like mine, you have to both mentally and physically prepare yourself for the inevitable interrogations and some “well-meant” shade thrown your way. This is no easy feat and in order to accomplish this intimidating task, I have come up with a few tips and tricks to get you through the holidays.
1. Ready yourself for the dreaded “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?” question that at least one nosy aunt is bound to ask.You can master this question in two ways. First, you can have fun making up a significant other who studies archeology in Canada, or something creative that will get your overly attentive family to leave you alone. The other option is to pick yourself up and remind your family that you are a STRONG, INDEPENDENT and broke college student who can’t afford a significant other, even if you found one. Either way, it’s best to come up with your answers ahead of time.
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2. Decide if your diet is really worth the pain of skipping that extra helping of grandma’s pumpkin pie. Now I know that eating healthily is good for you and will keep your skin clear or whatever, but who needs small pores when you can embrace the Thanksgiving spirit and gorge yourself on your favorite culinary masterpieces? I recommend that you treat yourself, pack your stretchy pants, and enjoy the holiday in all of its gluttonous glory.
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3. Study up on all of your family drama before heading home.That way, once you finally gather together for the best meal of the year, you can be quick with those comebacks. For example, when Uncle George claims that he “heard your grades were struggling.” you can shoot back with a quick “Just like your hairline.” and strut away like a pro. I mean, you could take the high road, but what fun is that?
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4. Form a solid alliance with the dog. Not only will you have a cuddly teammate for the whole day, but you can also avoid eating your cousin’s green bean casserole that has a 82% chance of being poisonous and a 100% chance of being disgusting. In this scenario, both parties benefit and you get a lifelong friend in the process. Plus, if you need an escape from the familial chaos that surrounds you, your furry friend could probably use a walk just as badly as you.
5. Break out the Black Friday ads. Nothing brings a family together better than the promise of high discounts and the freedom to be as rude and aggressive as you want towards strangers without repercussions. If things are starting to heat up, I recommend finding that Best Buy or Walmart magazine and starting your early morning war strategies. That way, they can save up all of their anger and aggression for the big battle and focus it less on your GPA or personal life.
Hopefully these tips will help you to navigate the chaos that is the holidays. Just remember that as crazy as your family may be, they love you. And if that doesn’t help, then remember that Thanksgiving is only a week and you can come back to school soon! Happy Thanksgiving! ???