Before I go on, I want to say that I think Sewanee is a wonderfully accepting place. I believe the absolute best of all of my classmates, which is really the only reason I feel comfortable writing this at all. In many environments, this kind of article would be unacceptable, and I am blessed to be a part of a community where it is not. I have only rarely received a negative reaction to my feminine style from Sewanee students. I just believe that this is something everyone—male or female—should spare a thought for.
So, I have a situation. It’s a situation that I think a lot of young women struggle with today. I am a feminist. That, in itself, is not the issue. The issue is that I am a feminist, but I am super feminine. By feminine, I mean that I fall into the traditional female gender role. I love pink, bows, dresses, pearls, makeup, and shopping. And honestly, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Unfortunately, there are many in the world that disagree.
The feminist movement is a good thing. It’s something our society needs. Sadly (as with many good things) some people have taken it too far. There are some women in the world that believe that you can’t be a feminist and like traditionally “girlie” things. This belief is just as damaging as many of the concepts that feminism has been fighting against. If we, as women, dismiss feminine characteristics, we simply give misogynists permission to do so as well. Instead, we should make a point of celebrating the many different types of women that there are. I fully recognize that not all women are like me, and I respect that. I would never dream of telling someone that they are less of a women if they don’t wear pink. It sounds stupid, right? So why do we believe some women are less feminists because they do wear pink? I think the answer is pretty multifaceted.
Sometimes humanity takes certain ideas and runs with them just a little too far, or in the wrong direction. This has happened with the concept of femininity. In an effort to make girls and women feel that they don’t have to be feminine we’ve begun to attach shame to traditionally feminine attributes. But that’s no better than shaming women who prefer to represent traditionally male attributes. We aren’t making progress if we’re still trying to shame one another.
The feminist movement is mostly about choice. Whether it’s a choice about their bodies, their careers or their future, women want to be able to make these choices for themselves. When we try to defame certain choices made by other women, we set our movement back. I choose to be traditionally feminine. It’s what I want, so it’s what I do. I’m not trying to argue that that makes me a feminist icon, just that I’m no less of a feminist than other women. Many of my biggest role models have been traditionally feminine. My mom, for example, is the very definition of a feminist to me. She raised a son who respects women, and a daughter who respects herself. That is something to be celebrated by everyone, especially feminists.
This is not a critique on the movement as a whole, just on a misplaced idea that I’ve seen floating around. In the end, the only solution is for every individual to be as accepting and kind as they can, and to stand up for themselves when others won’t.