DEar So&so
February has been a difficult month for me. Maybe this is because it’s still a weird transition into the new year, but more realistically because February reminds me of one very specific thing in my life that I think I want but I don’t have: love. I’m sure I would not be the first person to say this, but without a partner, February is the most lonely month of the year. This month reminds me of my first love, ones’ that got away and my ultimate relationship failures. It’s incredibly hard not to focus on all that could have been or all that used to be during a month where happy couples and love, in general, are moved to the forefront. The issue is that I am not even sure if I am ready to be in another relationship, but February is making me miss the feeling of one. I miss the feeling of Valentine’s Day when you aren’t spending it alone but I might miss the feeling of happiness and independence you feel when you are secure in yourself when you’re single more than the latter. How do I do it, So&So? How do I both overcome and embrace being alone? How do I be happy and single?
Signed, Loneliest Month of the Year
Dear Loneliest Month of the Year,
February has never been one of my favorite months of the year. I think my most memorable Valentine’s Days have either been with a significant other or in elementary school when we still got candy grams. Regardless, I hear you.
Psychologically, everyone has a different baseline for their happiness. And this baseline is set and affected by the baseline of your parents, and so on. Because of this, happiness looks different to everyone but we all started in similar ways. Looking back on your early childhood, you were likely not in a serious romantic relationship. You found things in life, such as activities, interests, and friends, that contributed to your happiness baseline and did not involve the support or codependency of a significant other. This is all to say that you don’t have to (and shouldn’t) limit your happiness to the idea of being in a relationship. You didn’t before, so you don’t have to now.
With the term, significant other, comes the word “significant.” Find something that holds a strong significance to you. This can be an activity, an interest, a hobby, or anything that holds any kind of interest to you. Move the passion that you would normally put into a relationship into this new activity.
There is no correct way to be happy or to be happy and single. Just like there is no correct way to be happy and in a relationship. Being in a relationship may bring you feelings of happiness, but so can trying new foods, listening to music, and reading a good book. Start spending good quality time with yourself and start trying to explore new things that can potentially be of significance to you. And if you’re still not convinced, finding a new hobby just might be a little less painful and a lot more fulfilling than finding a new boyfriend.
XOXO, So&So