DEar so&so
Recently, I’ve heard a lot of conversations about codependency. More specifically, how a lot of people struggle with it. Funnily enough, I find myself struggling with the opposite issue. While most people find themselves overly relying on people, I don’t think that I rely on people nearly enough. I have always been an independent person. In many aspects of my life, this is super beneficial, but recently I’ve noticed that it has begun to negatively affect my relationships. I know it’s not because I am a private person. Trust me, I can talk anyone’s ear off! But coming off of a two-year-long pandemic, I’m finding it really difficult for myself to reach out and fully connect with people again. I have built up unhealthy boundaries that box me away from the people around me. It’s an isolating feeling to go through all of your moments alone. So, how do I do it So&So? How do I start relying on other people?
Signed,
Relying On Other People
dear relying on other people,
I feel you! Fortunately and unfortunately, codependency is something I have never truly struggled with. Ever since I was a child, my mom has found me playing with toys by myself or choosing to figure out problems on my own. Independence is never something I have lacked or needed to work on, but relying on other people definitely is.
Coming off of a pandemic that pushed people into isolation, makes this issue a bit more nuanced. The pandemic gave people reason to believe that they can do things on their own because we were all subjected to a circumstance where we had to be. For some people, this was amazing and encouraged their independence! Although, for people like us, it perpetuated loneliness. At least, I know for me it did.
I think it’s important to realize that being able to rely on yourself is as important as being able to rely on other people. Simple things like being complimented by a stranger, having someone hold the door open for me, and getting unexpected texts from friends always manage to brighten my day and lift my mood. Small interactions with other people can make a large impact on how you feel!
Whether or not we go through the good and bad things in life alone are choices that we both consciously and unconsciously make. Start consciously choosing to invite people into these moments with you! Don’t wait until you need people. It can be something as simple as asking a friend for help with picking your outfit for a night out, or something that holds more weight like talking about your mental health by unpacking a bad day.
I don’t think anyone should choose to maneuver through life fully on their lonesome, no matter how independent they may be. I know that codependency can be tricky, but I also know that ultimate independence can be incredibly lonely. The pandemic may have reminded people of the importance of independence, but it also pushed forth the value of human connection. It’s a relieving feeling to know I have people who will blatantly tell me that an outfit is ugly, give me advice on what men aren’t worth it, and hype me up when I tell them about how I killed it during an internship, every person is a people person. So remember, even your moments that require independence deserve to be shared with people who are willing to listen.
XOXO So&So