You’ve had a long week. Three tests, a paper, what feels like a million meetings and minimal sleep. By the time Friday night rolls around you’re pooped. C’mon, let’s be honest, all you really want to do is to put on some comfy sweatpants and curl up on the couch with a pint of ice cream and a rom com.
Yet you plow through the exhaustion, pull on the skinny jeans and pile on the makeup. Because how could you not go out? What other option is there?
Girls everywhere at 8:30 p.m. on a Friday night:
NOOOOOOO! Forget the head-to-toe shaving. Forget sprinting to the bar in the freezing cold because no jacket is ever worth carrying later. Forget limping home at 2 a.m., carrying your shoes in one hand and a cold slice of pizza in the other. Screw all that! It’s time to embrace your inner grandma and own that shit.
I know what you’re thinking, why would I ever want to do that? Those are the people who I make fun of for staying in. But really they are the ones killing the game. Grandmas have been ahead of the curve for years and it’s time we take a few pointers from them.
For starters, trash the skintight pants and barely there bodysuit and grab that mumu, knit sweater or onesie from the closet. Whatever floats your boat, grandmas don’t care what people think and they sure as hell will wear whatever they want. This usually ends up being something extremely loose and comfortable (plus it might even have cats on it so BONUS.)
People always say, “But don’t you wanna drink?” UM HELLO I can drink just as much at home as I do at the bar without the hassle of getting the bartender’s attention AND spend less money while I’m doing it. That’s a win-win in my book. Then, with all that money I save maybe I’ll just order a pizza or some Chinese food. Most grandmas I know, including my own nana, sure know how to pound back a drink or two.
And let’s not forget the dance parties. Grandmas know how to get down, especially after that hip replacement. Plus, since you’re home, you don’t have to stand there awkwardly at the bar and shout over songs you don’t know or like. Crank up the speaker and jam out to your favorite songs while breakin’ it down like no one’s watching. Just don’t spill the glass of wine you’re holding.
Don’t like staying in alone? Is the FOMO all too real? One of the perks of being a grandma is doing it with other people. There’s nothing better than getting comfy with your best girlfriends and having yourself a night home. Who else can you complain to about the annoying kid in your physics class or exchange gossip about what’s going on in your lives. Two, three, four grandmas and it’s a party!
And when all is said and done you can simply take yourself right to bed. No stumbling home, no need to strip off the sweaty clothes that are now covered in god knows what, and no washing off what’s left of the makeup on your face (which let’s be honest, were you going to do it anyway?) In between the pizza and dance party you have time to do a facemask, paint your nails and take some much needed TLC. All your problems will melt away, all because you were smart enough to embrace your inner grandma for the night.
So what are you waiting for? Break out that mumu and wear it with pride! And to anyone who makes fun of you well…