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A Tipsy Guide to Your Next Summer Vacation

Alright people, let’s talk vacations. There are a BILLION reasons to travel; leisure, bronzed skin, bikinis… BOOZE!

My objective today is to enlighten you with my drunken explorations, in hopes of making you smile and reminisce on your own.

1. Ocean City

Basically all you need to know about this one is… SENIOR WEEK. Liver = DEAD, Soul = DEAD, Morale = CRUSHED. So here I am, strolling down the boardwalk (yanno, after funneling beers 36 milliseconds prior) with my Gatorade bottle filled with Mike’s Hard Lemonade (I know, real bad a** over here) and what do you know, my favorite people arise. Yes, the law enforcing, stone cold BIKE COPS. He makes me feel exceptionally guilt-ridden, I confess I am drunk, and lo and behold, I get the delightful citation. 

2. Spain

To sum it up: Spain has certain festivities that they celebrate every year. One of them includes running through LITERAL/MULTIPLE fires set up in the streets, while people chase you with fireworks. To take part in the ritual, I decided to throw back a couple glasses of wine to calm the nerves and anxieties I had of being burnt alive. Shockingly, I completed the crash course, smashed, but not scorched.

3. Disney

Picture this… first time in Disney, only provided with ONE food voucher (food is hella $$$), lines are 3568368 miles long, and I suck at navigating this amusement park that might as well be classified as its own country. I then found myself trapped at Epcot – BY CHOICE  Here I am located in the alcohol capital of Disney, and in both of my hands I had margaritas (still not content). So here I go taste testing all kinds of drinks, and it hits me, I’M GONNA MISS MY BUS. Fast forward – caught the bus, but got off at the wrong hotel. Even though I only experienced approximately .251 square feet of Disney, I can confidently say I have increased my survival skills. When in doubt, go to Epcot.

Well ladies, I hope this guide to your next vacation makes it a zillion times more fun. Always remember to KEEP IT #BADANDBOOZY

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