The One With Bad Timing

Warning. I’m about to word vomit some raw and vulnerable feelings and yes… I’m coping with Friends gifs. That’s how you know it’s really coming from deep down in my soul.

From the moment we met there was this odd sense of comfort between us. There was never that awkward small talk or the painfully long silences. If there was silence it was comfortable. It was like something I’d never experienced before. From the moment you walked up to me I knew you were going to have a special part in my life, as much as I tried to push down those thoughts.

Don’t overthink this. Don’t overthink this. Don’t overthink this. I kept telling myself that I was making this up in my head, I was overthinking everything and you really weren’t that into me. I was placing signs where they didn’t belong and I was letting my thoughts get the best of me. 

Days turned into weeks and soon enough I was head over heels. As much as I tried to stop myself, I had fallen for you. Hard. Spending nearly everyday with someone will do that to you. I found myself going home at night, after spending hours upon hours by your side, wishing that we had more time. Because the days were ticking by and as we were growing closer, our days left together were growing fewer. 

That last night together is one that I may never forget. A majority of the car ride home was in silence. Neither of us could find the words to speak. This was the one and only time I have ever felt awkward around you. It wasn’t necessarily a bad awkward, yet we were both uncomfortable. We knew what was next. We were entering completely different stages of life and the distance was a hurdle we were not ready to leap over. I felt it was better to let you go. You said you wished the timing was better. Me too.

One last kiss. One last touch. One last I’ll see you soon. Honestly, that last one is what hurt the most. We said it every time we left each other but this time it was worse. It was a big unknown that we were just throwing out into the universe. 

It hurts less now. Now that I’ve had time to heal. I know you’re out there doing big things and changing people’s lives, but I can’t help but be selfish sometimes. When I hear a certain song, or smell a certain scent my heart aches. My heart longs for what used to be but my head knows it was for the better. Maybe one day, if our seasons align, we’ll grab that cup of coffee. In the meantime, I wish you nothing but the best.