When I was in high school, I always wanted a boyfriend, most high school girls do. It was a time in life when you feel the pressure of others as well as yourself to “fit in.” Although, it was just high school, we were young. It’s hard to not feel like you have to do certain things or act a certain way or even be a certain person. I was never one of those middle school girls who had “boyfriends,” you know those fake relationships that lasted a week but when high school came around, those relationships became something real and I wanted one.
Like Taylor Swift’s song “Fifteen,” I quite literally am a red-headed Abigail, who was a young teen that had a boy tell her he loved her and man oh man did I “believe it.” While, I started off my first two years of high school single, I ended up getting my first relationship my junior year of high school. That relationship was honestly kind of a joke. It lasted three months and we ended on good terms, we just didn’t work as a couple. I am glad I had that relationship because it at least showed and taught me what a relationship was and wasn’t.
When my senior year of high school was approaching I, unexpectedly, started dating my best-guy friend at the time. This was that “first love.” The kind of love that seems right and your first young love you had where it feels like a movie or a fairytale, but just like thereality of movies and fairytales, it’s too good to be true. We ended right before senior prom and it drained me because that was my first heartbreak, it’s something you think you’ll never get over but then future you laughs about it.
When I was headed off to college, I told myself I would never date in college, ever. I’m now finishing up my fall semester as a senior with only one spring semester left and I can gladly (and proudly) say I followed through with that. Over the course of being single for 3.5 years, you learn a lot. I know people take breaks from dating but often people only take a break of, maybe, maximum a year but let me be the first to tell you use all the time you need, and I’ll tell you why.
Recently, I have felt the pressures again like I need a relationship. My three best friends are constantly talking to guys. Another two of my best friend’s just bought houseswith their boyfriends and one of my best friends just got engaged. She asked me to be in herwedding in September, where I’ll most likely be dateless and will see my first love but quite frankly I don’t care because being single is NORMAL, especially at 21.
We’re young so take that time for yourself. Life is too short to be held back by “hometown” boys who are going to hold you back. There are billions of people in the world and you’re telling me your soulmate is from your hometown? Let alone your state? I don’t think so.
In my time single, I have taken the world by storm and it’s just the beginning. I have traveled, spent time with family and friends, grieved, gone through trauma and came back strong, worked out, ate healthy, cut out toxic people, received Dean’s List, worked… a ton, taken internships, improved my mental health, found the location I want to move to post-graduation and most importantly began to fall in love with myself. And guess what? There’s only more to come.
So, take all the time you need to be single. It’s normal. Do things, just live for yourself. No significant other defines who you are or your strength. I have had one too many people ask or tell me “why aren’t you dating?” “are you still stuck on your last relationship or something?” or “we need to get you a boyfriend” and all I have to say to those people is to F-off! Being single is normal and we need to normalize it.
I promise you in the time you take to be single and really live for yourself rather than others you’ll learn and realize so much not only about yourself but others too. You’ll see others get their hearts broken that you could knew was going to happen from the start because red flags become so obvious once your single for a while, you’ll learn what you want in your next relationship (both healthy and unhealthy wise) and you’ll learn just how great you can be on your own.
It’s time to start normalizing being single, whether it’s that a person never had a relationship, or a person has been single for years or even if a person just doesn’t want to date. Because life is too short to depend on a significant other to define our worth and hold us back from life’s greatest adventures that are still yet to come. Being single is normal!