“I love you.” The biggest lie. It’s not always a lie, but it very often is. And we often don’t see it as a lie. Because why would we want to. Everyone wants to be loved. And when someone tells us how they love us, when they tell us how special we are, and how much they care – we believe them. Because we don’t want it to be a lie.
Once you realize this. It makes a lot of things make sense almost comical. Your friend saying “you deserve better” as you cry over the latest lie form the emotionally unavailable boy who gaslights you at every turn.
The same person who made you feel small for their shortcomings tries to make it all better every time with those three words: I love you.
Did you love me when you lied to me about who she was?
Did you love me when you hid me away to lie to her?
Did you love me when you emotionally manipulated me to believe I was crazy because you couldn’t deal with the fact that you hurt people?
Did you love me when you lied to her and blamed your lies on me?
Did you love me when you stalked me?
Did you love me when you had your friends stalk me?
Did you love me when you tried to make me feel crazy when I called out your psychotic behavior?
Did you love me when you made me feel crazy for thinking you’d be so crazy?
Did you love me when you forced my head down and told me to just relax?
Did you love me when you used me?
Did you love me when you pretended I didn’t exist because you didn’t want to feel like a bad guy?
Did you love me when you got caught?
But why would you love someone who lied to you? Who hurt you over and over with no consideration to how it would affect you overtime? It’s really easy to see these things when you’re not stuck in the toxic cycle. When someone who says they love us hurts us sometimes we make excuses for them. Maybe we think we deserve it. Maybe we keep going back to it because we truly doing believe we can do better. But that’s not true. You didn’t love me. Ever. And it’s taken me a long time to see it. But you never loved me, because you don’t gaslight, lie to, and take advantage of someone you love.
And I’m done falling for it.