Imagine this: I sit down on my dorm couch between classes, unlock my phone, and click on Instagram, then Pinterest, and maybe a Spotify podcast. It doesn’t take long scrolling through my feeds to come across content spewing the ideology of “That Girl” or “Alpha Female”. You might be familiar with these trendy words representing the picture of an “ideal girl,” one who is super independent and on top of her stuff. For a while the content held an attractive glow that lured me into wanting to mirror the inspirational look. I started saving and collecting the tutorial reels, guide posts, and arranging pictures into cute mood boards. I even filled my Amazon account with orders like the aesthetic water bottle that tracks how much water an hour you drink until I thought my phone would burst containing the essence of an “Alpha Female” or “That Girl”.
After constantly referring to the images of this lifestyle I aspired to achieve, I realized that with everything I did I never really felt a change. I don’t know what I thought would happen (like some magic pixie dust would just poof me into the type of girl I praised), but through all the imitation I never felt any better about myself. That was when I began to see the toxicity behind following “That Girl” or “Alpha Female” as the feminine gospel. Concepts I once believed would foster
empowerment, I began to realize harbored an unrealistic and filtered expectation of daily life that left my actual life feeling sorely inadequate.
Look, I would love to be the girl who can wake up every morning, somehow fit the gym into my hectic schedule, stay lasered focused and study hard in school, put together fabulous outfits, have clear skin, and somehow do it with ease every day. But reality is that no matter how hard I can try to follow that aesthetic, it quickly becomes a toxic model of impossibly high productivity. To me, drinking the right amount of water, being ahead on assignments, and consistently radiating confidence while handling the challenges of life is a task meant for no mere mortal.
Let’s be real: there will be plenty of days I drink way too much Starbucks coffee instead of water and times when I look in the mirror and would much rather wear a hat to cover my breakouts than makeup. There will be moments I can’t picture getting out of bed at 7 a.m. to start my day early or imagine wearing proper jeans instead of my favorite cozy sweatpants. Especially when reality is thrown into the mix, and I have late nights spent cramming to finish an assignment or have to handle a situation instead of getting eight hours of sleep. So where does the notion of “That Girl” or “Alpha Female” come into play? How can this mentality of perfection cross the line?
It crosses the line when I began to believe that no matter what I do, my wardrobe, workout routine, or whatever it is, falls short of the glamourous standard saved on my phone. When I see those videos of the girl with the pretty nails, monochromatic outfits, accessorized with an expensive handbag and think nothing in my closet looks like that, my nails are too short, and my backpack is filled with way too many books to pull-off the effortless “iPad only” look. Truthfully, it seems kinda exhausting to live by the unrealistic standard portrayed by social media. A concept meant to be a refreshing stance on the female narrative becomes paralyzing and restrictive when it is placed at an almost unachievable level that ends up putting “That Girl” down instead of lifting “That Girl” up.
Thus, I propose our cultural focus should shift to spend energy and time on becoming “Alpha Me.” A new model and outlook that is similar to “Alpha Female” or “That Girl,” while realizing the nuances between me and you. Don’t aspire to emulate the image we have all transcribed as the ideal “female” because that loses focus on who you are. Ask yourself: what does the best version of me look like? Forget the Pinterest boards and Instagram influencer reels that try to trap you in a box of how a desired person must look, dress, or act. Dare to step away from that filtered glow and realize your own attractive energy that is unique and your own. Your own alpha energy is and should look different from another’s because you are your own person. That means you can define alpha energy as going to the gym more or less, sleeping in instead of waking up early, or maybe taking time to practice self-care. Whatever you determine is “Alpha Me” will boost your confidence and happiness when you realize you already have the tools to be the best person you can be and who you are is enough to feel amazing.
So don’t let “Alpha Female” or “That Girl” fill you with false expectations you might feel pressured to follow. Just stay in your lane, love who you are now, and enjoy the process of becoming an enhanced you (whatever you think that is). As we reach the end of this semester and launch into the new year, focus on being “Alpha Me” and watch the negativity dissolve around pictures you once longed and felt were out of reach. Those pictures pinned on a Pinterest board only represent a posed and artificial moment in time. Breathe and you will see that the ideal Pinterest board you were looking for was already on your phone all along. It’s your camera roll showing you, not a stranger you will never meet, but a person trying to live their best life through the highs and lows. Just smile, embrace the energy you already possess, and you will tap into “Alpha Me”.