As a first semester junior in college, I feel a little more misplaced than I expected. I anticipated to come into my junior year with the same friends as years past, loads of schoolwork, and feel exactly where I’m supposed to be. Crazily enough, I am experiencing the exact opposite, which if I’m being honest, is kind of hard to admit to myself. I’m an RA for upperclassmen, living with new people, have some of the same friends I’ve had since freshmen year, while others I have just started to become close with, and my workload seems lighter than it should be considering the classes I am taking.
What I’ve been trying to figure out is how normal this is. Instead of spending time working on hours of homework as I am used to, I have been distracting myself with other endeavors such as tour guide shifts, ultimate frisbee practices, business club meetings, and orchestra rehearsals. I am not sure if it’s because the schoolyear hasn’t picked up yet (since we’re only a couple weeks in) or because of the number of credits I took during prior semesters and breaks, I have finally allowed myself to relax a little more. Either way, it feels wrong and part of me thinks I’m not challenging myself enough.
I guess I just wish that someone was able to normalize what I’m going through because from the perspective of everyone I’ve talked to, they are going through something completely different, which is okay, but just makes me feel like I’m in the wrong. I genuinely feel like a part of me is going crazy and will never be able to fully adjust to my new schedule. I can’t even find consistent times to eat meals because I either feel like I don’t have the time or just don’t feel hungry enough. I feel like everything this year so far is off and I’m living in some weird fever dream.
Anyways, I’m sure I’ll work it out. I know I will. It’s just gonna take some time, patience, and self-reflecting. Time does really fly by and I just wanna make sure that I made the most of my years when I look back on them.