Quite frankly, I’m amazed my heart is still beating. I guess it just goes to show you how resilient the human heart is, even after more than a few punches.
I never thought my relationship with my former boyfriend would come to an end. To be honest, I thought I was going to marry the guy. I thought we were going to spend forever together, despite our darkest times. We celebrated times of joy and pure love. And we certainly encountered stages of misery. Yet, every fight resolved with a kiss, and deep-hearted conversation about how much we love each other.
Sometimes I replay the breakup in my head. I wonder where it all started to go wrong, when the avalanche rocks began to rapidly fall down the mountainside. And I wonder if there was anything I could have done to prevent it.
Heartbreak is inevitable.All good times must come to an end. We contemplated the idea of a fresh start. But, the reality of it was that we wanted fresh starts, just not with each other.
So, here I am. Searching for a way to let down my defenses and allow someone new back in.
Here’s five signs it’s time to get back into the dating game:
1- You can talk and think about other things other than your ex:
It is a relief when you can finally start living in the present without the past playing in your head. And sure, it hurts. It hurts to acknowledge the fact that all your memories are slowly fading away. Remember:Memories fade, but the value of our memories are what last forever. You’ll never forget the first time you kissed your ex-lover, the image may not be as vivid, but the meaning, the significance of the moment stays with you forever.
It is a milestone when you realize you no longer strictly think or talk about your ex. Because let’s face it, the last thing a new guy wants to hear about on your date is how you and your ex-boyfriend celebrated you two-year anniversary at the same exact restaurant. Yeah. That’s a big no.
If you still feel the need to bring up your ex, it means you’re not ready to move on just yet.
2- You are not comparing your new guy to your ex:
If you feel like no one will ever compare to your ex, well no one probably will. It’s normal to compare your ex to new guys in the beginning, but once you start meeting new people this feeling will slowly disappear. And don’t be scared. It’s a good thing. Trust me. It feels good.
A game of comparison is deadly.
3- You’ve grown as an individual and miss sharing a deeper connection:
It takes time to grow after a breakup. You’re back to square one. You might question who you are for a while, and you may even question your worth. Take time to yourself. Take time to learn about yourself and establish your role in this world as an individual.
Find yourself. Build yourself. Plant a seed. Nourish the seed with water, nutrients and sunshine. Step back and watch it grow.
4- You’ve told your rebound to hit the road:
I’m not going to sugarcoat this. I mean, there really is no way to sugarcoat this. You’re going to find a rebound guy, whether it’s intentional or not.
You might even start to think that your rebound is the guy you’ve been waiting for your whole life but honey you would have been with him in the first place. So, go ahead and get a rebound phase out of your system. Then, put on your big girl shoes and swing a bat in the dating game.
5- You’ve let go:
Letting go is harder than it sounds. I thought it was going to be easy. I thought I’d wake up the next day and feel empowered. I thought I’d feel like a new woman. Wow, I was naive.
The best remedy for a heart-breaking bad break up is time.
I wish I could tell you ways to let go or even how to let go. It just takes time. And sure, it might hurt for weeks, it might hurt for days. The waves of the past might drag you in, they may even drag you down under the chilling water for a minute but pick your head up for air. Breathe.
One day I promise you will wake up and feel empowered. You will feel like a new woman.