When you date somebody, you generally get to know someone on a deeper level than you do with a platonic friendship or familiar relationship. As you date multiple people throughout your life, particularly at your prime, you tend to notice the similarities that each respective partner may share. You start to notice specific trends in each person as well—from how they articulate themselves to their fashion sense. Trends, positive or negative, are present in people that we come across as long as we keep meeting people in our daily lives whether it’s just a passing by or long-term. Maybe it’s something you tend to attract or you actively seek this trend in any way. On the subreddit known as r/AskWomen, which describes itself as one that is “dedicated to asking women questions about their thoughts, lives, and experiences,” many answered the question posted, “What trends did you notice in the people you dated?” Here are some randomly selected answers from women who responded, all of which are anonymous.
1) “They are good people, always treat me really well, but deeper feelings are never mutual. Either they fall for me or I do, but never both. I just think I keep choosing incompatible people, frankly.”
2) “Dudes who think I’m mysterious and fascinating and then gtfo when they realize I’m a normal human being and pretty boring.”
3) “They are all damaged goods in one way or another because I myself am damaged goods and attract it. Currently in therapy to work on my s***. So I stay single for now.”
4) “Asian women in the navy. I’m white and anti-military, so I have no idea where this trend came from. I just date women on Tinder who aren’t unicorn hunting, and I guess they’re all Asian women in the navy where I live?”
5) “Honestly, the majority have been significantly worse looking than me. I was told growing up that it was wise to choose an ugly man who would be grateful to have a wife better looking than himself, but that never materialized. If anything, their egos got so inflated that they wondered if they could do even better and then I stuck around for longer than I should have, wondering what about me was so horrible that they’d keep a foot out the door. Thank god I screwed my head on straight, stopped this weird inverted narcissistic partner selection, and my now husband was the combo breaker.”
6) “They are either creative types or work with IT. I’ve dated professional musicians, writers, a filmmaker, and even when they have another kind of job, they also have a band or something. If they don’t have any artsy skill, they are on IT. Also beard. I rarely am attracted to guys with no beard.”
7) “They have depth. Which often coincides with some sort of present or past mental health issue, usually depression. Maybe its cause I went through hell myself, so the only ones who I truly connect with are those who have walked through hell as well.”
8) “They’ve all been born in June.”
9) “Excluding my husband, they were all men I wanted to help. They all had some deeper sadness and I wanted to help alleviate it. It ended up hurting me more than helping them, though two of them are doing well now. It brings me deep relief to see them every now and then on Instagram either traveling or making music.”
10) “My most successful relationships have been with tall and glasses-wearing quiet/calm men. My boyfriend maintains that type as a glasses-wearing gentle giant.”
11) “Up until the guy I’m dating now, they all lived on the same street. It was a freaky coincidence and made visiting that stretch of town pretty awkward.”
12) “Every serious boyfriend I’ve ever had has been an Eagle Scout. This has been purely by accident, it’s not something I actively look for and it’s not something I ask about. There’s just something about me that must really dig what the Scouts are teaching.”
13) “Always wanted to hang out at 3 AM. Took me a little too long to realize there’s a name for that.”
14) “I’ve always dated fake smart guys. The kind of guys that have undeserved confidence in themselves and think they are geniuses (but they are not). Lots of mansplaining, etc. Most of these guys are usually thought of in my circle as “smart guys,” but it’s only when you actually spend tons of time/live with them that you realize it’s a lot of puffery and they’re really just slightly above average intelligence – and none of them have the success of a super intelligent person.”
15) “I’ve always dated shy guys that were freaky in bed. I guess that’s pretty fun.”
16) “That they tend to be, by society’s standards, “losers”. No car, s*** jobs, still living at home/under their parents umbrellas—not usually all three, but pick any two. And I’m tired of it. It’s just so unfortunate that so few dudes my age have their s*** together….too old for younger guys, too young for older guys. I’m stuck.”
17) “I tend to be attracted to the people I know I won’t ultimately be happy with (super masculine, conservative, obsessed with labels). I’m very independent and open minded and don’t like being labeled, myself. I’ve stopped dating for right now because of it.”
18) “None of them did any deep personal work. They made excuses for their current behavior instead of finding healing from their pasts.”
19) “‘Confidence’ or at least what I thought was confidence but was really just brash, loud, a**holes.”
20) “Usually gamers of some kind with occasional jock traits but idk why I just love me a dorky guy. Someone to have conversations about space and games or books.”
Some responses have been edited for length.