In one of the earlier weeks of November, I found out that I would be a New York State Assembly Intern for the spring of 2023. Since this time, I have had to come to terms with the fact that I will not be on St. Bonaventure University’s campus for the second half of my junior year. This did not seem like a big deal until it was true.
For starters, I did not think that I would get this internship. The competitiveness and resume-building opportunity that this internship offers had my self-esteem finding ways to comfort myself when I would get the bad news. I seem to do this with a lot of endeavors in my life, it is a self-protective mechanism, I know.
But when I got the confirming email that I was the candidate the committee was looking for, I felt so proud of myself. This is one of, if not the first, true experience that I feel I can say, “I did that.” The decision was clear if I got in, I was meant to go. I knew I owed myself this endeavor.
While this was all exciting, understanding that I would not be alongside my roommates, my boyfriend, and my community that I have here was a realization that took me back. I was always aware that I was a junior, but not a junior missing a chunk of her last two years here.
I hope to come back to Bonaventure on weekends and for Spring Break, but change is hard.
I feel such a connection to my school because this is where I found myself. The woman that came into the college experience is not the same woman that the college experience will turn out. College is such a transitional point in everyone’s lives. I wonder sometimes if this is the same brain that I had when I was 17.
Plus, I have ties here, and I am comfortable. I love it here.
Maybe this opportunity, for someone else, would just be full-barrelled fun, but I have always had a hard time adjusting. My word choice here is key. I do not say that I have had a hard time adapting because I know that I will get done what I need to in order to better help myself, but I say adjusting because it implies that no matter what changes, it takes me some time to become completely comfortable.
As I grow older, I grow better at adjusting in every way. Getting comfortable with the uncomfortable has been my new outlook, but I fear that there I will fully not have any ties when I am adjusting. I catch myself wondering if there is a piece of this all that is ok? That a little humility and humanity to show that you have been impacted by a place or period in your life is not so bad?
I think that there is something special in being able to admit a struggle with a complete flip in your life’s direction. In this age, it is honorable even.
So, I have been making my adaptations and adjustments slowly and surely, but I think firstly I just needed to tell myself wrapping my head around something new is hard.
I am so excited, and so are all of my family and friends. Change is not something that is just over, and if anything it is ever going, and please do not feel bad about being scared of it. You have the greatest comfort to be able to say that you are doing something difficult.